[ThirdOfFive]

Originally Posted by AbbyPye

Some time ago, I placed a post within this portal that spoke about the notion of creating new friends once someone has moved in to The Villages.

I am in the process of moving to a smaller home within the Villages domain. However, I tend to make note about the aspects of making friends with other residents here in TV since most (if not all) people that live here, be it full or even part time, come from somewhere else in North America. I don’t know if anyone lives here who are natives to anyplace within a one hundred mile radius. But for this post’s sake, let’s state that those that live here come from somewhere else.

My question is, how many of you from the time you have settled here made some friends that you speak with, get involved with activities, or are just “chummy” with one another. I don’t mean people you see on occasion only to engage in small talk or just say a few things just to be polite. I mean somebody who you could feel comfortable inviting them for a simple meal, or to engage in some form of sporting event, or even have a frank discussion on a specific topic.

And is there anyone out there who has limited to even no friends that live within TV? Your only contact is with family members, or with others that do not necessarily live in TV. In other words, you just exist here, perhaps take part in some public event, maybe use some of the amenities that are available, and so on.

I just ask these questions because I know that the sales and marketing department here in TV push the “lifestyle” one can be part of. And what I mean by “lifestyle” refers to being involved in clubs, groups, and so on. I always referred to somebody living “the lifestyle”, which means that one engages with what is affectionately known as “swinging” a.k.a. “wife swapping”. However, I wouldn't be too surprised if such an activity such as "lifestyle living" exists within these parts, but I will not go any further on that topic.

Again, I just want to know what I may be getting into before I make a full commitment to relocating here. My old neighborhood where I come from held more diversity in terms of people’s stages in life. And because of this, making friends was rather difficult, if not totally impossible! People just had to take care of other things that held a larger priority to them (Work, school, family, etc.), and sometimes taking a bit of time off for just a quick cup of coffee wasn’t worth their effort. And so it goes....

Many thanks for your what I hope will be your honest input to my inquiry.

-Abby

Good question. Making friends is a two-way street. The more outgoing and friendly you are, the greater the chance of encountering similar people.

It is a pretty well-known fact that people form fewer friendships as they age. One's ideals and morals tend to solidify with age and we become less tolerant of people who don't share them, people who are moderately introverted as younger people tend to become much more so as seniors, leaving a circle of friends we may have had for years and moving here to TV often means that our friendship-making skills are rusty from disuse, etc. All those things, plus more, impact friendship-making for older folks.

But (a personal opinion here) one very big reason we don't form close personal friendships is--SOCIAL MEDIA. As in Talk Of The Villages. In years past if you wanted to know the opinions of the people around you and share yours with them, you had to do it in person. You had to have that personal contact and develop the connection to the point that you are comfortable with that interaction on a personal level. Social media drastically inhibits that. Only something like 7% of real person-to-person communication is actual words, the other 93% consists of eye contact (or not), body language, general appearance, voice tone, volume, smiles (or not) etc. etc. There is really none of that here. Don't get me wrong. Social media is a great tool for those who are otherwise unable to have personal contacts because of disability, distance, etc. But it does nothing to help one develop friendships on a real, personal, human level.

[2newyorkers]

I have made many new wonderful friends here in TV. Besides larger groups like playing BUNCO find smaller groups that you have common interests such as book club, dancing, singing, sports, volunteering, etc.

[davem4616]

Originally Posted by raynan

I think it depends on your neighborhood. We moved in almost 11 years ago into a newly built neighborhood so no one knew anybody. Right off the bat the neighborhood had driveway parties that grew to socials at our rec ctr and a neighborhood website was set up. One girl had a girl's coffee at her house and everyone brought their own mug. That was a real ice breaker and got the women comfortable with each other. The website invited people to lead golf groups, card groups, book clubs etc. I started a "chick flick" outing once a month followed by lunch and that is going on 11 years. New groups start up as the neighborhood changes but the website is critical to keep everyone in the know of what's available for all. Smaller groups start up with people who have made closer friendships such as dining out together. I think it is harder to move into an established neighborhood especially if it is not an active one or does not have a website. Our neighborhood goes out of its way to welcome new people in. We are the Jacaranda Island section of Pennecamp and homes in our "hood" sell fast.

Same with us...moved into a newly built Cul de Sac...we all clicked, we have driveway parties, invite each other to our homes, someone on the street is sick, they get baked goodies, NY Eve we have a block party, there's a golf group, the gals go out to lunch and have a book club...we go out to dinner as couples, we watch each other's homes when anyone is away....we actually care about each other....you walk up the street and people come out to say hello...we borrow stuff from each other....the other day we got a text 'do you have any vanilla extract?'... you need a ride to have your eyes examined and your spouse doesn't drive, ask anyone on the street...our church has also provided a closeness and friends that we linger with after services, some have been to he house for dinner

best neighborhood we've ever lived in

[Velvet]

Our neighborhood is established but friendly. If you check out something on a person’s lawn they invite you in to tell you all about it. They range in age and past occupation and level of extroversion but one picks up on that. I think they actually look forwards to a little “new blood”. New stories etc. There are established behaviors, you don’t go bare chested, you don’t let your dog on someone’s lawn unless they specifically said you could in the past, etc. etc. A new person might want to see how to fit in first. Just an occasional walk around the neighborhood is enough to meet others around here.

Oh another thing, if we have a “swingers” they must be keeping it to themselves. The most I’ve been offered was by an old gentleman on a walker, whose dash hound got away from him and ran to me. He smiled and asked, “You want a dog?”

[krash]

We got involved in a group of 8 couples, and there was a lot of cattiness amongst the women. Sometimes 4 or 5 of the ladies would get together and talk dirty about the others that were not invited. The men seemed to get along better, but they too had some awkward moments... most likely testosterone related. We whittled it down to just one couple, who we shared the same type of humor with, but going out to dinner or drinks was ALWAYS embarrassing as the wife would complain about something, or had to "change" the recipe of the food on the menu - can you add this... can you substitute that... and, of course, when made to her specifications, she didn't like it. So we opted to dining at each other's house every month... until the 2020 election, and our political ideas did not coincide... and that ended that.

[OrangeBlossomBaby]

I made a couple of friends in my neighborhood before we even closed on the house. I was also invited to a driveway party which I missed because I'd never heard of such a thing and was embarrassed to ask (now I know better). I was also invited to the Ladies Lunch, which was a monthly get-together at whatever restaurant they select during the previous month's lunch. Just around 8-10 women on our block. But then COVID happened and people needed to be extra cautious, combined with a limited list of places to eat because of necessary closures at the time. Then things opened back up, but some of the women moved out, another passed away, and the group hasn't been back together since before COVID.

Once another of my neighbors gets back from her trip, I'll work with her to get it going again. With NEW ladies living in the neighborhood now!

[Laker14]

We were fortunate in that we found TV because really close friends of ours from up north bought in Largo when it was first being built. It took us a while to retire and get down here, but when we did we had a ready made social circle. My buddy got me into his golf group right away.
On top of that, my wife has made quite a few close friends from playing pickleball.
We just bought our first house in an established neighborhood, and we are getting to know the neighbors. Everyone is friendly, but real friendships flourish when there is a sharing of interests. It could be golf, cards, pickle, art, etc. and that's the beauty of TV. There are so many activities that you are bound to meet kindred spirits. They may be in your neighborhood, or not, but they are out there if you are at all interested in making friends.

My first year down renting I went to a pickleball rating clinic and met a guy, and from that one conversation standing in line we have become friends. It's easy. The hard part is finding time for all of the people you find interesting.

[RICH1]

If your doubting making friends , get your Medical Marijuana card !

[Deb1093]

We just moved here in June. We are in a new neighborhood. We have found that everyone is so friendly and welcoming. We have already made some friends that we have been to dinner with and to a concert. I have a couple of new friends that I walk with and go to exercise classes with. I agree with some of what has been said, that you can be as active as you want, which will help to make friends. I have found that because we are all in the same boat, we are new here, left another place, and are in the same stage of life, friendships are easier for those who are notoriously less social. Finding activities that you enjoy will present opportunities to meet people. Just saying hello, with a smile, can start a conversation!

[jswirs]

[QUOTE one cannot make new old friends . Deep human bonding takes time.[/QUOTE]
This is so very true. I have made friends here, good friends, but I miss the friendship I had up north, some of which were from my childhood. We're talking friends for over 65 years. That cannot be duplicated.

[MandoMan]

Originally Posted by golfing eagles

But add "without swinging"

Do you mean without swinging golf clubs?

[Luggage]

I retired 20 years ago lived in two different communities and basically while I may know 10 or 20 or 30 people none what I consider close friends but maybe three or four are medium friends. Clicks are formed, summer tight some are loose but I would say no more block I have two sets of neighbors that I would go out with if asked or if I ask they would say yes and I am known by many because of my posts on next door and here but you know people are really strange. The nicest people I know are those in other communities that I go out with once every three or four months with us or come over and play board games once in awhile. I think it also helps if you belong to a religious group and go to their churches handjob people seem to like that better. My wife runs the book club those who water volleyball and bingo and this has some friends that way but only very few that are close and this is after 10 years. Possibly it is because there is too much to do here and people even retired don't seem to have time. Whenever I meet anybody new here I always say we're in that yellow house please knock on the door and stop by and have a cup of coffee but I've never been taken up on it and all my 20 years

[Donegalkid]

Originally Posted by ThirdOfFive

Good question. Making friends is a two-way street. The more outgoing and friendly you are, the greater the chance of encountering similar people.

It is a pretty well-known fact that people form fewer friendships as they age. One's ideals and morals tend to solidify with age and we become less tolerant of people who don't share them, people who are moderately introverted as younger people tend to become much more so as seniors, leaving a circle of friends we may have had for years and moving here to TV often means that our friendship-making skills are rusty from disuse, etc. All those things, plus more, impact friendship-making for older folks.

But (a personal opinion here) one very big reason we don't form close personal friendships is--SOCIAL MEDIA. As in Talk Of The Villages. In years past if you wanted to know the opinions of the people around you and share yours with them, you had to do it in person. You had to have that personal contact and develop the connection to the point that you are comfortable with that interaction on a personal level. Social media drastically inhibits that. Only something like 7% of real person-to-person communication is actual words, the other 93% consists of eye contact (or not), body language, general appearance, voice tone, volume, smiles (or not) etc. etc. There is really none of that here. Don't get me wrong. Social media is a great tool for those who are otherwise unable to have personal contacts because of disability, distance, etc. But it does nothing to help one develop friendships on a real, personal, human level.

Well said. There is no substitute for the face to face, personal interactions that can occur in true conversations. Active LISTENING and meaningful engagement can occur. I think there is far less cynicism, less “bomb throwing”, fewer snarky comments, and a lot less disinformation. So, a vote for groups and clubs and shared activities as a way to make good acquaintances and friends. Good luck!

[Black Beauty]

We live way up north in a group of 60 homes. I'd guess we know about a third of them. We do have a Christmas party. But 6 villas have sold in recent months, some the same day! I golf with a group of other villagers, we play pickelball, and swim/exercise daily. My wife has more 'club' activities, and volunteers to take disabled kids horse back riding. The opportunities here are endless....

[bonrich]

I find we have acquaintences and neighbors but none have elevated to a true friend. Unfair to compare to a former life, growing up with the neighborhood kids that you went to school with for 12 years. Parents knew each other, being welcome in a neighbors house, at times like it was a second Mother or Grandmother, remember? We shared, the good and the difficult times, celebrated and consoled, and I could always find a lawn to mow, walk to shovel snow, rake leaves to get some extra pocket money when growing up. Then as we aged, all was done at no charge, and without asking. We were fortunate to have such good memories.