[marianne237]

Thank you Red.

[SALYBOW]

Originally Posted by redwitch

I like jokes, really I do. I like sarcasm even more. But why oh why the meanness? If you happen to think a question is dumb, how about resisting the urge to crack a joke -- at least until there have a few serious answers so that the poor OP has an answer or two?

I've seen this too many times lately. Fine, you've never heard of free legal advice? It does exist -- legal aid used to be available, not so much any more. Law schools frequently have clinics. Tort attorneys will at least tell you whether or not you have a case. Criminal attorneys will frequently give a quick piece of advice. Many of the law firms that advertise on television have attorneys on call just for quick questions and answers.

You think a question has been asked and answered. Fine, give the OP the link to the original thread but there's no need to imply they're being stupid by asking again.

Someone is a newbie and you think they're a troll? Give them the benefit of the doubt and see what progresses as people answer seriously. The motives of the OP will show up quickly enough.

You know when someone is sincerely praising a contractor (especially a landscaper) or when it is done for the OP to get a discount, an extended warranty, whatever, let it go and just ignore that post.

I really can see joking around AFTER a question has been answered or at least a few reasonable comments have been made, but why start out being cute? Do you really need the attention so much that you're willing to you hurt another? Is there such a need to prove how smart you are?

We say we are the friendliest place around and then people bash and criticize people on here. It is okay for anyone to think or like anything. I don't have to. When people express excitement about something and someone puts them down it has to hurt. I did not think that was supposed to be what we are about. As my poor sainted Mother used to say; if you can't say anything nice about someone...don't say anything at all.

[ssmith]

There has been a change over the years in the mood on this forum.

Used to be nearly everyone was positive and encouraging. Not so much now.

I hate to admit it, but I have been a member for a few years...yes many, many threads are repeats. Many times you get new information etc. Remember that your one time newbie, clever, questions were likley repeats by those before you too....have some forbearance with your fellow posters!!!

Also if you see a pattern of exteme neagativity...then you can always go to the control panel and add that poster on the ignore list. That way you never see what they post.

Also of note...many times extremely negative posters get in trouble with the moderators and eventually are gone.

[Happinow]

I can remember when I first got on here and was picking out my lot and home. I must have asked 20 questions. As I recall, I got many great answers and not any smart remarks. I did not know that there was a "search" button at the top to search comments already provided. I could have researched all of my questions without anyone responding. But....what fun would that have been? By people responding, I got to "talk" to many nice people on here and meet some. If people just hit the search button then this forum wouldn't be what it is. When new people ask questions I think it is the right thing to do to politely answer their questions. Then, you may refer them to previous posts on the subject. The fact that a subject has been discussed a million times on here is unknown to the new poster. So, be kind and courteous to those on here, new or not so new. Lift people's spirit, don't dampen it.

[SpicyCajunPugs]

Originally Posted by Happinow

I can remember when I first got on here and was picking out my lot and home. I must have asked 20 questions. As I recall, I got many great answers and not any smart remarks. I did not know that there was a "search" button at the top to search comments already provided. I could have researched all of my questions without anyone responding. But....what fun would that have been? By people responding, I got to "talk" to many nice people on here and meet some. If people just hit the search button then this forum wouldn't be what it is. When new people ask questions I think it is the right thing to do to politely answer their questions. Then, you may refer them to previous posts on the subject. The fact that a subject has been discussed a million times on here is unknown to the new poster. So, be kind and courteous to those on here, new or not so new. Lift people's spirit, don't dampen it.

Very well said....I was just recently fussed at for just placing information about an upcoming garage party in all caps, and it really dampened my spirits. Why would someone really take the time to complain about something so harmless and trivial? It is just mean spirited and uncalled for IMHO....

[billethkid]

I keep wondering why a small minority of posters that are out of step with the majority continue to get so much play in recent weeks.

There will always be some small percentage of participants in almost any quorum that may grate one the wrong way for whatever reason. Add the cloak of anonymity and they can get even more inspired to stir the pot.

They are easy to ignore......and in my opinion do not set the tone or tenor of TOTV.

btk

[wendyquat]

Originally Posted by redwitch

I like jokes, really I do. I like sarcasm even more. But why oh why the meanness? If you happen to think a question is dumb, how about resisting the urge to crack a joke -- at least until there have a few serious answers so that the poor OP has an answer or two?

I've seen this too many times lately. Fine, you've never heard of free legal advice? It does exist -- legal aid used to be available, not so much any more. Law schools frequently have clinics. Tort attorneys will at least tell you whether or not you have a case. Criminal attorneys will frequently give a quick piece of advice. Many of the law firms that advertise on television have attorneys on call just for quick questions and answers.

You think a question has been asked and answered. Fine, give the OP the link to the original thread but there's no need to imply they're being stupid by asking again.

Someone is a newbie and you think they're a troll? Give them the benefit of the doubt and see what progresses as people answer seriously. The motives of the OP will show up quickly enough.

You know when someone is sincerely praising a contractor (especially a landscaper) or when it is done for the OP to get a discount, an extended warranty, whatever, let it go and just ignore that post.

I really can see joking around AFTER a question has been answered or at least a few reasonable comments have been made, but why start out being cute? Do you really need the attention so much that you're willing to you hurt another? Is there such a need to prove how smart you are?

you are a wise witch! Thanks!

[Bonnevie]

agree totally with Red....as my mother used to say (and I'm sure many of your mothers as well) if you can't say something nice about something, don't say anything. I, too, can't understand why someone would even bother to take the time to be mean, but it's happened to me as well and it bothered me.

[rubicon]

I believe that most respond members respond respectfully. For those times when it is not so can be for variety of reasons beginning of course with an unpleasant person. Other reasons would include the subject matter which triggers an annoyance simply a bad day, etc.

On the other side of this issue are some of us who are too sensitive.

Then of course some of it can be attributed to the part of the country we were reared. Some states like direct confrontation, others see it has rude. In some states people position as reserved but underneath are being less than honest. Live and let live is a good motto

[senior citizen]

Originally Posted by rubicon

I believe that most respond members respond respectfully. For those times when it is not so can be for variety of reasons beginning of course with an unpleasant person. Other reasons would include the subject matter which triggers an annoyance simply a bad day, etc.

On the other side of this issue are some of us who are too sensitive.

Then of course some of it can be attributed to the part of the country we were reared. Some states like direct confrontation, others see it has rude. In some states people position as reserved but underneath are being less than honest. Live and let live is a good motto

Another good post.......

Next to the last sentence is very true.........some people in order to remain in the favor of the majority will echo sentiments they really do not truly believe in........but don't want to "rock the boat" or displease anyone.

I'll say it again, perhaps we have lived in New England too long, but plain spoken and authentic thoughts are easy to see and accept as "Live and Let Live" is a good motto and everyone is coming from a different background and different experience.............but authenticity is like a breath of fresh air.

When someone is just being a "people pleaser", even their tone of voice changes.............I think having a long time marriage helps as one does not have to pretend to be younger than their chronological years.
A wise mature brain in an older body would get an A+ in my book, if their thoughts are authentic and not phony.............meaning the real deal.

Not a "I'm being what I think everyone wants me to be".......or pretending to be in high school or college again.........like on one of those television ads for "mature" dating........we laugh and laugh when it comes on.....I forget the name of the singles group. It's really sad in the bigger scheme of things.

I'll say to hubby......"Can you imagine your mom or aunts looking like that?" and we both chuckle.......Madison Avenue Marketing is what it's all about. The dumbing down of Americans............

I'm a born pacifist, but still prefer down to earth thoughts and speech.

[LvmyPug2]

Great comments Red. My husband originally had serious reservations about moving to TV because of all the negativity he saw on TOTV. He kept saying "I don't want to live around so many grumpy and mean old farts". Fortunately on our 4 visits before buying we were blown away by everyone's friendliness. After living here 2+ yrs we realize this place is full of kind and friendly people, where age is just a number. Fortunately the snarky comments on TOTV do not represent the majority of villagers.

[Newbeginnings]

Agree 100%

[billethkid]

Originally Posted by LvmyPug2

Fortunately the snarky comments on TOTV do not represent the majority of villagers.

The reality of what is not represented on TOTV or anywhere else where THE FEW on fact DO NOT represent the majority of TV or TOTV.

Let's do more discussion and defense of what is represented by the over whelming majority.....retired, happy, enjoying life, sensitive, courteous, polite, helpful.....neighbors.

The few will always ONLY be THE FEW no matter where one lives/visits/participates.

btk

[bonrich]

There are times when I read a post and it bothers me, and I hit quick reply, I have learned to let it sit for awhile because once you hit the enter key, it is done and there is no time to take it back.

[renielarson]

Originally Posted by redwitch

I like jokes, really I do. I like sarcasm even more. But why oh why the meanness? If you happen to think a question is dumb, how about resisting the urge to crack a joke -- at least until there have a few serious answers so that the poor OP has an answer or two?

I've seen this too many times lately. Fine, you've never heard of free legal advice? It does exist -- legal aid used to be available, not so much any more. Law schools frequently have clinics. Tort attorneys will at least tell you whether or not you have a case. Criminal attorneys will frequently give a quick piece of advice. Many of the law firms that advertise on television have attorneys on call just for quick questions and answers.

You think a question has been asked and answered. Fine, give the OP the link to the original thread but there's no need to imply they're being stupid by asking again.

Someone is a newbie and you think they're a troll? Give them the benefit of the doubt and see what progresses as people answer seriously. The motives of the OP will show up quickly enough.

You know when someone is sincerely praising a contractor (especially a landscaper) or when it is done for the OP to get a discount, an extended warranty, whatever, let it go and just ignore that post.

I really can see joking around AFTER a question has been answered or at least a few reasonable comments have been made, but why start out being cute? Do you really need the attention so much that you're willing to you hurt another? Is there such a need to prove how smart you are?

I've been concerned about the spirit of TOTV for some time now and have voiced my concerns to the admin. The ruthlessness that is allowed here appears to be a growing problem based on other posts similar to Redwitch's.

Although TOTV continues to be a great reference source it's also a place where humiliation, meanness, and even bullying is allowed. Perhaps if we start clicking the "report" button each time we see negative responses then maybe our voices will be heard.