Why do we become so intolerant as we age?

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  #31  
Old 02-07-2011, 11:28 PM
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When you don't feel physically well, you might be grumpy.
When you don't feel emotionally well, you may lash out at others.
When you don't feel spiritually well, you are never satisfied.
If you don't feel mentally well, your moods can be exceptionally unpredictable.

So when I encounter grumps, meanies, indifference, intolerance or purposeful rudeness, then I assume one of the above applies. In these cases, I try my best to be extra sensitive, caring and calm. Either it works or not. When not, at least I didn't add to that person's burden.
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  #32  
Old 02-08-2011, 12:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K9-Lovers View Post
When you don't feel physically well, you might be grumpy.
When you don't feel emotionally well, you may lash out at others.
When you don't feel spiritually well, you are never satisfied.
If you don't feel mentally well, your moods can be exceptionally unpredictable.

So when I encounter grumps, meanies, indifference, intolerance or purposeful rudeness, then I assume one of the above applies. In these cases, I try my best to be extra sensitive, caring and calm. Either it works or not. When not, at least I didn't add to that person's burden.
K9, the four points you've made is exactly what I was trying to convey in another thread a few days ago which later proved to be an exercise in futility. The only real difference is that you stated it more elequently that I ever could. A poster asked this question: "So why is their (the grumps) bad behavior to be tolerated and accepted?" When I answered... well, just read my answer and the reaction for yourself to find out what I'm talking about by clicking this link... #45
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  #33  
Old 02-08-2011, 07:58 AM
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Default A little something to add

I mentioned this topic to my Hubby and he simply said,
"Why would you want to give unpleasant people free rent in your head?"
(He's my Hero.)
  #34  
Old 02-08-2011, 09:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Uptown Girl View Post
I mentioned this topic to my Hubby and he simply said,
"Why would you want to give unpleasant people free rent in your head?"
(He's my Hero.)
Fabulous concept. Thank you!
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  #35  
Old 02-08-2011, 09:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Uptown Girl View Post
I mentioned this topic to my Hubby and he simply said,
"Why would you want to give unpleasant people free rent in your head?"
(He's my Hero.)
That's great and something to remember! Thank hubby for me.
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  #36  
Old 02-08-2011, 09:50 AM
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I love you dearly P.







Since that stopped the dialogue...


I will again ask.

Why do we become more intolerant as we age?

Last edited by graciegirl; 02-08-2011 at 11:17 AM.
  #37  
Old 02-08-2011, 02:17 PM
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Originally Posted by redwitch View Post
I've noticed this here and throughout TV. I hate when people start name-calling or denigrating someone because someone has a different viewpoint. I always thought that as people age, they would become more tolerant of others. They've made mistakes and should understand others will, too. They did stupid things when young and should help youth grow, not condemn youth for growing up and being different. I don't get it.

It seems that some think that getting old gives them the right to be downright rude. They're mean to store clerks. They yell at someone who gets in their way or goes too slow for their tastes. I don't get it.

I have Asperger's (high-functioning autism). I have a tendency to blurt out what I think but I do try to not be hateful or hurtful. I don't judge you for having different political views than I do. I do judge your words and actions. If you accuse someone of "pandering" because they have a different opinion than you, you lose my respect. If you can't understand that even a professional can muck up a song out of nerves, you appear to have a mean streak. If you berate the checker at the grocery store for not being to accept your coupon, you appear overbearing and rude. If you honk because someone isn't moving fast enough for you, you appear arrogant and impatient. If you put down teens because they hang around the Squares in groups, don't dress like you think they should, play music you don't like, then you appear small-minded.

Why is it so hard to let others be different from you as you age? So what if I don't share your political viewpoint? So what if I like happen to like rap music and you don't? So what if someone isn't as fast as you? Why is it okay for you to say what you think and feel, but not someone else? What happened to respect, tolerance? I really don't get it.
Gosh, I really hate posts like this.
  #38  
Old 02-08-2011, 02:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K9-Lovers View Post
When you don't feel physically well, you might be grumpy.
When you don't feel emotionally well, you may lash out at others.
When you don't feel spiritually well, you are never satisfied.
If you don't feel mentally well, your moods can be exceptionally unpredictable.

So when I encounter grumps, meanies, indifference, intolerance or purposeful rudeness, then I assume one of the above applies. In these cases, I try my best to be extra sensitive, caring and calm. Either it works or not. When not, at least I didn't add to that person's burden.
Gracie and Red,

I think some people become more intolerant as they age because it is likely that they don't feel well physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally. They've lived long enough to endure the bumps, jabs, punches and slaps life sometimes doles out, and so some older people are "injured". When you don't feel well, you may respond in a negative way.

Others have not endured as many hard times, and those folks behave in a more positive manner.

And, I agree with you that being optimistic or pessimistic is an in-born trait. So it comes down to the age-old debate = nature vs nurture.

Either
- you are born with a positive nature and stay that way no matter what (nature), or,
- You used to be more positive but life beat you down, (nurture) or,
- You were always a negative thinker, don't realize it, and don't know how to be or act any other way (nature),
- You were born a pessimist but learned how to look on the bright side (nurture).

To me, the question is: How do we choose to respond when someone is intolerant?
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  #39  
Old 02-08-2011, 02:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K9-Lovers View Post
To me, the question is: How do we choose to respond when someone is intolerant?
Any emotional response would be giving too much power to the intolerant one in which they knowingly control your feelings.

Simply nod yes or no with no reaction to the intolerant one leaves them powerless over you.

It's called self-control and is all powerful.
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  #40  
Old 02-13-2011, 02:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redwitch View Post
I've noticed this here and throughout TV. I hate when people start name-calling or denigrating someone because someone has a different viewpoint. I always thought that as people age, they would become more tolerant of others. They've made mistakes and should understand others will, too. They did stupid things when young and should help youth grow, not condemn youth for growing up and being different. I don't get it.

It seems that some think that getting old gives them the right to be downright rude. They're mean to store clerks. They yell at someone who gets in their way or goes too slow for their tastes. I don't get it.

I have Asperger's (high-functioning autism). I have a tendency to blurt out what I think but I do try to not be hateful or hurtful. I don't judge you for having different political views than I do. I do judge your words and actions. If you accuse someone of "pandering" because they have a different opinion than you, you lose my respect. If you can't understand that even a professional can muck up a song out of nerves, you appear to have a mean streak. If you berate the checker at the grocery store for not being to accept your coupon, you appear overbearing and rude. If you honk because someone isn't moving fast enough for you, you appear arrogant and impatient. If you put down teens because they hang around the Squares in groups, don't dress like you think they should, play music you don't like, then you appear small-minded.

Why is it so hard to let others be different from you as you age? So what if I don't share your political viewpoint? So what if I like happen to like rap music and you don't? So what if someone isn't as fast as you? Why is it okay for you to say what you think and feel, but not someone else? What happened to respect, tolerance? I really don't get it.
I will attempt an answer based on my experience with intolerance.
1. I don't think intolerance has anything to do with age in some cases as my father was intolerant starting in his thirties and forties. His way or the highway.
2. As we age, intolerance may creep in because we don't feel well.
3. Life has not turned out to our complete satisfaction.
4. We think that we have done everything and know exactly where we stand to the exclusion of others.
5. Our world has gotten smaller due to the lack of options.
6. The world is moving at too fast a pace and it's scary for some people.
7. We see things in black and white with no shades of gray.
8. We tend to dwell on our own perspective and not be open minded for other people's opinions.
9. When we have solved of our big problems, we tend to think of how we should fix other peoples mistakes, (our point of view).
10. The pace of stressful events happening is causing a lack of respect and consideration that was very prevalent many years ago.

In a perfect world, we would all agree to disagree and enjoy each others company. My mother always said, "it doesn't cost anything to be nice".

I'm not going to make another person problem my problem assuming they are arrogant or rude. Don't let anybody rent space in your head.

I hope this helps. I'm off my soapbox.
  #41  
Old 02-13-2011, 02:21 PM
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Originally Posted by 2BNTV View Post
I will attempt an answer based on my experience with intolerance.
1. I don't think intolerance has anything to do with age in some cases as my father was intolerant starting in his thirties and forties. His way or the highway.
2. As we age, intolerance may creep in because we don't feel well.
3. Life has not turned out to our complete satisfaction.
4. We think that we have done everything and know exactly where we stand to the exclusion of others.
5. Our world has gotten smaller due to the lack of options.
6. The world is moving at too fast a pace and it's scary for some people.
7. We see things in black and white with no shades of gray.
8. We tend to dwell on our own perspective and not be open minded for other people's opinions.
9. When we have solved of our big problems, we tend to think of how we should fix other peoples mistakes, (our point of view).
10. The pace of stressful events happening is causing a lack of respect and consideration that was very prevalent many years ago.

In a perfect world, we would all agree to disagree and enjoy each others company. My mother always said, "it doesn't cost anything to be nice".

I'm not going to make another person problem my problem assuming they are arrogant or rude. Don't let anybody rent space in your head.

I hope this helps. I'm off my soapbox.
A considered post that shows that you are not the center of your own universe.

I REALLY hope you will be my friend.
  #42  
Old 02-13-2011, 02:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2BNTV View Post
I'm not going to make another person problem my problem assuming they are arrogant or rude. Don't let anybody rent space in your head.

I hope this helps. I'm off my soapbox.
KUDOS to you!!! I love your comments, especially "Don't let anybody rent space in your head." So well put, and so very wise. Never heard it before, but it will become unforgetable to me.

Thanks 2BNTV for sharing......b
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  #43  
Old 02-15-2011, 09:31 AM
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When I was in my early twenties I took a job with the US government in Washington, D.C. As I settled in and started getting to know my co-workers I noticed one fellow in particular, an "older man", probably at least 55, had a nice smile on his face, always greeted me cheerfully and seemed to be a quite happy person. As I got to know him I found out he had been an attorney in private practice but for some reason about which I did not inquire had given it up to work for the government for a lot less income (and no doubt a lot less stress). I asked him how he could be so happy having stepped down in status and income (not using those words) and he told me that when he was my age he had observed that older people fell into two groups, happy ones and unhappy ones, and that he had decided to join the happy group. I have never forgotten his revelation, am grateful for it and try to follow it in my life. I try to be cheerful, tolerant and accepting of others in every way: the young, the middle aged and the elderly. Many seniors have over the years become quite fixed in their opinions and beliefs. Some are essentially saying "Don't confuse me with the facts. I have already made up my mind." I treat that mindset as their problem and either ignore them or get away from them as soon as I can.

Since I slowed down myself workwise and started to travel, I have met and spent time with the locals in several different cultures, including areas which were bubbling with unrest such as Thailaind during their demonstrations and Egypt not long ago. I have found that almost everyone I talked to was a decent human being deep inside. They did live under different political systems, some of which were working fairly well and some of which were not. Most of them had accepted their lot in life and were reasonably content. Some had deep political convictions. Some did not. Some were quite happy such as the cheerful older coworker I was fortunate to encounter as a young man. Other were quite unhappy. Some were open to hearing about my beliefs. Others were not. That is probably the case everywhere, perhaps moreso among older people.
  #44  
Old 02-15-2011, 12:26 PM
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Manabout, I totally agree with you about "happy" and "unhappy" people. Every now and then (even in The Villages!) I'll run into somebody I think of as a "joysucker" -- you know the type. They'll walk into a room (or onto a golf course) and just suck all the joy out of it. I'm not talking about people who are having a particularly difficult time, and are in need of our love and compassion. I'm talking about the people who just seem to be incredibly angry about everything, all the time.

This next part may seem to be off topic, but bear with me for a minute. I had to visit the urgent care facility a few weeks ago. In the waiting room they had Fox news (with sound!). In the examination rooms they also had a TV with Fox news (with sound!) I was curious about having tv's in the examination rooms, because the blood pressure person watched it while she pumped up my blood pressure cuff. (Pay attention to me!) The program that was on was a controversial one (Glenn Beck), so I thought hmmm... If you like this program, you'll get excited and your blood pressure will go up, and if you don't like this program, you'll get excited and your blood pressure will go up... My blood pressure was the highest it's ever been! The doctor said it was caused by the Sudafed, but I'm not so sure.

And on that note, I debated about sharing this link I found. It is not meant to be political. I found it to be interesting, and maybe some of you will, too. Please, folks, don't get angry with me. I'm just sharing what I found: http://www.frumforum.com/fox-geezer-syndrome

Do you really think watching television can change us from being happy people to being unhappy people?
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  #45  
Old 02-15-2011, 12:39 PM
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Do you really think watching television can change us from being happy people to being unhappy people?
I do think that watching some television programs, especially the 24 hour news networks can alter our feelings. The continual message of bad events, feelings, disasters has to have some impact on what we're feeling.
In the evenings, as the day draws to a close, I much prefer to watch something that will make me laugh or smile....and the 24 hour news networks go on only when world events have taken a turn for the worse. (I agree it's annoying to have FOX news or CNN or Headline News on in the waiting rooms, they can drive one's blood pressure up a good number of points!....
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