[duffysmom]

Is it possible to raise a child and not put your hands on them when they misbehave.

[Happydaz]

It is possible. My five sons and their wives raise their children that way. They use time outs and other methods to discipline them. It seems to be quite effective. My grandchildren are better behaved than my sons were and they got spanked!

[samhass]

Absolutely.

[billethkid]

of course...just use a paddle

[CFrance]

I chose not to revisit my mother's corporal punishment upon my kids, and they are among the most respectful, honest, hardworking adult children I know.

There were times I wanted to wallop them. I made the difficult choice not to. And I did not have easy children--at least, one of them.

[tucson]

Yes it is... I never spanked or hit my child at all and he's a hard working and loving person. I also never allowed any toy guns and/or violence type "toys"....

[golf2140]

Wounder why we have police in all our schools in this day in age.

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by golf2140

Wounder why we have police in all our schools in this day in age.

Please don't blame that on those of us who raised kids without hitting them. We taught them discipline.

Blame it on the lazy parents who never taught their kids manners and respect for authority. That has nothing to do with hitting them. In fact, I would wonder if the violent kids weren't raised by violent parents.

[samhass]

Originally Posted by CFrance

Please don't blame that on those of us who raised kids without hitting them. We taught them discipline.

Blame it on the lazy parents who never taught their kids manners and respect for authority. That has nothing to do with hitting them. In fact, I would wonder if the violent kids weren't raised by violent parents.

That says it best of all.
I think violence begets violence. It does not make the world a better place.

[WanderingFinches]

physical punishment doesn't reinforce good behavior it creates resentment

[Parker]

We spanked our kids very rarely, and not hard, and only for particularly egregious behavior. We used our hands, never a belt or paddle, and not very hard. In retrospect, I don't know that it really did any good, or any bad. They both grew up to be fine adults, and we have a wonderful relationship with them both.

If I had it to do all over again, I don't think I'd resort to spanking. But for LOVING parents of good judgement who do, no condemnation from me.

[eweissenbach]

Originally Posted by Parker

We spanked our kids very rarely, and not hard, and only for particularly egregious behavior. We used our hands, never a belt or paddle, and not very hard. In retrospect, I don't know that it really did any good, or any bad. They both grew up to be fine adults, and we have a wonderful relationship with them both.

If I had it to do all over again, I don't think I'd resort to spanking. But for LOVING parents of good judgement who do, no condemnation from me.

I pretty much agree with this, we used to give our kids a slap on the butt to let them know that something was unacceptable, nothing really painful, but just to emphasize a point. If I were to start over again I would not use physical punishment for two reasons. First, I think it has been proven ineffective, and is more to release the frustration of the parent rather than make an impression on the child. Second, society's perception of what may constitute abuse has evolved in the last thirty years or so and one could end up in legal trouble for what some people used to accept as legitimate discipline. Sometimes I think parents today confuse discipline and physical punishment. Discipline can and must be administered if children are to learn good manners and right from wrong, but it can and should be accomplished without hitting or spanking. The problem with some parenting IMHO is that the parents assume that the kids need nothing but affirmation and positive feedback, and they don't strongly register their disapproval of improper behavior.

My mother never laid a hand on me that I can recall, but an expression of her disappointment in me for bad behavior was the worst punishment imaginable.

Studies have shown that most abusers were themselves abused, and there can be a fine line between discipline and abuse.

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by eweissenbach

I pretty much agree with this, we used to give our kids a slap on the butt to let them know that something was unacceptable, nothing really painful, but just to emphasize a point. If I were to start over again I would not use physical punishment for two reasons. First, I think it has been proven ineffective, and is more to release the frustration of the parent rather than make an impression on the child. Second, society's perception of what may constitute abuse has evolved in the last thirty years or so and one could end up in legal trouble for what some people used to accept as legitimate discipline. Sometimes I think parents today confuse discipline and physical punishment. Discipline can and must be administered if children are to learn good manners and right from wrong, but it can and should be accomplished without hitting or spanking. The problem with some parenting IMHO is that the parents assume that the kids need nothing but affirmation and positive feedback, and they don't strongly register their disapproval of improper behavior.

My mother never laid a hand on me that I can recall, but an expression of her disappointment in me for bad behavior was the worst punishment imaginable.

Studies have shown that most abusers were themselves abused, and there can be a fine line between discipline and abuse.

As usual, you have a handle on the situation, Coach Ed, and have articulated it well. There was a time when Fred Rogers came out and said that many parents had misconstrued his mantra, "I like you just the way you are" as meaning they shouldn't discipline their kids. What he meant was everyone should be accepted despite physical or mental differences. He did not mean that everything a child does is to be accepted.

Parenting is not fun! I am really enjoying our adult sons.

[samhass]

Originally Posted by eweissenbach

I pretty much agree with this, we used to give our kids a slap on the butt to let them know that something was unacceptable, nothing really painful, but just to emphasize a point. If I were to start over again I would not use physical punishment for two reasons. First, I think it has been proven ineffective, and is more to release the frustration of the parent rather than make an impression on the child. Second, society's perception of what may constitute abuse has evolved in the last thirty years or so and one could end up in legal trouble for what some people used to accept as legitimate discipline. Sometimes I think parents today confuse discipline and physical punishment. Discipline can and must be administered if children are to learn good manners and right from wrong, but it can and should be accomplished without hitting or spanking. The problem with some parenting IMHO is that the parents assume that the kids need nothing but affirmation and positive feedback, and they don't strongly register their disapproval of improper behavior.





My mother never laid a hand on me that I can recall, but an expression of her disappointment in me for bad behavior was the worst punishment imaginable.

Studies have shown that most abusers were themselves abused, and there can be a fine line between discipline and abuse.

Old Coach Ed, well said....especially the part about "parents today confuse discipline and physical punishment".

[LI SNOWBIRD]

Originally Posted by CFrance

I chose not to revisit my mother's corporal punishment upon my kids, and they are among the most respectful, honest, hardworking adult children I know.

There were times I wanted to wallop them. I made the difficult choice not to. And I did not have easy children--at least, one of them.

My mother was a harsh disciplinarian and that behavior was learned from her parents. And so it was learned by me. When my first wife and I had children I felt I had to re-enact how I was raised. Thank God my wife was a "USE THE ROD-AND-SPOIL-THE-CHILD" person. I quickly learned that love was stronger than hurting ( we never hit/humiliated our kids).
Today I am very proud of the adults the have become. And most especially the parents they are to our grandkids. They are my best legacy.