[Chi-Town]

I'm afraid that we have all seen a loved one go painfully to the point that we wouldn't let our pet suffer like that. This subject has been in the news lately and this link is quite interesting in addressing it.

Brittany Maynard: My right to death with dignity at 29 - CNN.com

[graciegirl]

This will be argued because many have religious beliefs that say they cannot take a life, even their own.

You may be able to logically present it so many understand it and agree with it being an option but do not expect complete agreement.

I don't know how I feel about it. I would never want Sweetie to suffer but I wouldn't want ever to leave my Helene.

I wish people wouldn't talk about depressing things.

I am going to leave the room, I can't handle a lot of stuff these days.

[tippyclubb]

Tom & I have had this conversation many times. We have a plan. Neither on of us want to spend the rest of our days in a nursing home, or in pain, or in a vegetarian state. I understand many will not agree with our plan, but it's not for others to decide what is best for us. When and if the time comes we are ready for it.

[billethkid]

I do not particularly care for the title of death with dignity.

This is the most personal of decisions that will ever be made in one's lifetime. There is no right or wrong and no room for any of us to pass judgement or even offer an opposing opinion....NONE.

There is no nursing home in our future. Nursing care will be in our home done by one or the other of us and if outside assistance is needed then they will be brought in to help. If indeed hospice is needed it will be at home.
We both just feel that our lives and family interactions our entire lives has been "home" (ours or another family member's). At those ending of life days to have family running in and out of hospitals or hospice is just too much stress on everybody. At home it is intended to be as normal as possible.

Of course we have no idea what a worser (Intended mispell) scenario might be and we will deal with it when confronted. Until then we are planning to depart with dignity in our own home!

To each his own. The above is ours!

[Madelaine Amee]

Originally Posted by tippyclubb

Tom & I have had this conversation many times. We have a plan. Neither on of us want to spend the rest of our days in a nursing home, or in pain, or in a vegetarian state. I understand many will not agree with our plan, but it's not for others to decide what is best for us. When and if the time comes we are ready for it.

My beloved relative had a plan and now she has dementia so the plan is out the window and she has no control of her life.

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by billethkid

I do not particularly care for the title of death with dignity.

This is the most personal of decisions that will ever be made in one's lifetime. There is no right or wrong and no room for any of us to pass judgement or even offer an opposing opinion....NONE.

There is no nursing home in our future. Nursing care will be in our home done by one or the other of us and if outside assistance is needed then they will be brought in to help. If indeed hospice is needed it will be at home.
We both just feel that our lives and family interactions our entire lives has been "home" (ours or another family member's). At those ending of life days to have family running in and out of hospitals or hospice is just too much stress on everybody. At home it is intended to be as normal as possible.

Of course we have no idea what a worser (Intended mispell) scenario might be and we will deal with it when confronted. Until then we are planning to depart with dignity in our own home!

To each his own. The above is ours!

I understand your intentions, BTK. In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, when my brother was dying of cancer, my SIL made a promise to him that he would die at home. However, at one point hospice told her they would not care for him in their home any longer if he could not sit up in bed. She is slight, and he was 6'4. At one point, she placed a panic call to her sister and BIL, who drove four hours from Pittsburgh. Her sister's husband got my brother into a sitting position before hospice arrived. That turned out to be their last visit.

I do not know what the "rules" are in FL. Please have a plan.

[OBXNana]

Originally Posted by CFrance

I understand your intentions, BTK. In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, when my brother was dying of cancer, my SIL made a promise to him that he would die at home. However, at one point hospice told her they would not care for him in their home any longer if he could not sit up in bed. She is slight, and he was 6'4. At one point, she placed a panic call to her sister and BIL, who drove four hours from Pittsburgh. Her sister's husband got my brother into a sitting position before hospice arrived. That turned out to be their last visit.

I do not know what the "rules" are in FL. Please have a plan.

CFrance you hit a nerve. We are in the same area as your brother lived. We had a similar experience. What we learned, after the fact, not all Hospice is the same. We learned 4 years ago some Hospice is for profit and some are non-profit. This may only be in Central PA. The difference between the two is great and may have changed in the last 4 years. You are so correct to have a plan made at a time when you are of sound mind and body.

Death is part of the life cycle. You should prepare for this in the same way you prepare for a vacation to beach. You educate yourself, recognize it is your option, and share with those close to you.

[zonerboy]

I am presently in Phoenix visiting my 93 year old Mom. She lives in a very expensive tiered assisted living facility in her own 1 bedroom apartment (no kitchen, she goes to the central dining room for very nice meals). Her husband (my dad) died 6 years ago and almost all her friends have also passed on. She has no will to live and wishes she could just "go to heaven". She does not participate in any activities available for residents at her facility such as exercise classes, games, crafts, movies, visiting musicians who lead sing-a-longs, field trips, etc. says it's too much trouble. So she sits in her chair all day with the TV on. Not certain if she watches it or not. Her severe diabetic neuropathy has caused her to have complete loss of control of her bladder, and only partial bowel control, so it is difficult to take her out any where. (I have a sister and two brothers living in Phoenix who try to help her)
She had heart surgery (double valve replacement, coronary bypass, plus pacemaker) at age 86, and now wishes she hadn't had it because she says she'd be dead and on heaven by now.
So what's the solution for situations such as this?? Seems to be getting more common as we age.
BTW, she is on anti-depressants. Discussion would be appreciated.

[Madelaine Amee]

Originally Posted by zonerboy

I am presently in Phoenix visiting my 93 year old Mom. She lives in a very expensive tiered assisted living facility in her own 1 bedroom apartment (no kitchen, she goes to the central dining room for very nice meals). Her husband (my dad) died 6 years ago and almost all her friends have also passed on. She has no will to live and wishes she could just "go to heaven". She does not participate in any activities available for residents at her facility such as exercise classes, games, crafts, movies, visiting musicians who lead sing-a-longs, field trips, etc. says it's too much trouble. So she sits in her chair all day with the TV on. Not certain if she watches it or not. Her severe diabetic neuropathy has caused her to have complete loss of control of her bladder, and only partial bowel control, so it is difficult to take her out any where. (I have a sister and two brothers living in Phoenix who try to help her)
She had heart surgery (double valve replacement, coronary bypass, plus pacemaker) at age 86, and now wishes she hadn't had it because she says she'd be dead and on heaven by now.
So what's the solution for situations such as this?? Seems to be getting more common as we age.
BTW, she is on anti-depressants. Discussion would be appreciated.

I sometimes think that the medical industry has no compassion, and I also wonder if they perform operations on people of this age almost using them as a guinea pig. I hope I am wrong, but whatever happened to keeping someone comfortable with medication and letting them drift away with dignity. We have seen many of our friends who are advanced in age go through horrific surgeries and chemo to give the patient, what, maybe another year or two. I can clearly remember a very good friend of ours who was diagnosed with lung cancer and given about six months to live, he was offered the choice of chemo or medication to keep him comfortable. He actually lived four years and they were good years, he did not have a year of extremely strong chemo treatment which would have made him very sick, but he played golf, they traveled, they came to Florida in the winter and lived back north in the summer. We watched him gradually fade away, losing a lot of weight, but he was never, ever, in pain and when he finally passed away his wife had no regrets.

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by zonerboy

I am presently in Phoenix visiting my 93 year old Mom. She lives in a very expensive tiered assisted living facility in her own 1 bedroom apartment (no kitchen, she goes to the central dining room for very nice meals). Her husband (my dad) died 6 years ago and almost all her friends have also passed on. She has no will to live and wishes she could just "go to heaven". She does not participate in any activities available for residents at her facility such as exercise classes, games, crafts, movies, visiting musicians who lead sing-a-longs, field trips, etc. says it's too much trouble. So she sits in her chair all day with the TV on. Not certain if she watches it or not. Her severe diabetic neuropathy has caused her to have complete loss of control of her bladder, and only partial bowel control, so it is difficult to take her out any where. (I have a sister and two brothers living in Phoenix who try to help her)
She had heart surgery (double valve replacement, coronary bypass, plus pacemaker) at age 86, and now wishes she hadn't had it because she says she'd be dead and on heaven by now.
So what's the solution for situations such as this?? Seems to be getting more common as we age.
BTW, she is on anti-depressants. Discussion would be appreciated.

It's hard to discuss this, zonerboy, except to offer condolences or empathy. When my SIL was driving my brother to chemo--mainly done at that point just to alleviate his horrible bone pain--she began questioning her Catholic teachings about suicide and wished she could bring herself to run the car over the riverbank. (She couldn't). My grandmother, widowed, impoverished and provided for by her children, deaf and ailing for 20+ years! cried and cried to be taken by God, yet she lived to be 96.

Who could bring himself to end the life of another? We have taken the DNR decision out of our sons' hands as they have stated they will never be able to let go of us. Perhaps that would change if they saw us suffering.

There is an arresting book written by an investigative journalist about what happened at a hospital in New Orleans after Katrina, where at least one doctor and a few other medical professionals euthanized some patients as they found their potential rescue to be difficult or potentially impossible. If I google it to get the name, I will lose everything I have just written on this stupid iPad. But I will find it for you if you want. You might be interested from a medical standpoint as well.

[sunnyatlast]

The young woman in the news is making a completely personal decision….herself.

Things like this get murky when relatives or caretaker friends start to think the person's life is not worth living or that the suffering is too much for that person.

The relatives or loved ones might not say it, but they're thinking it and the person can perceive it and some come to the conclusion they should kill themselves so as not to be a burden to the family/caretakers, or even the public taxpayer funding the care.

Nations that have assisted suicide legalized have had problems with mentally retarded, disabled, elderly or chronic-disease patients wanting to commit suicide because society thinks they are not worth anything.

Please, please make an end-of-life plan so that others do not have to decide and so that others don't get into a position of deciding you're not worth keeping around, or giving you the perception you're not worth keeping around.

An added note: The hospice here in The Villages (run by Cornerstone in various locations) is not just for Villagers, and anyone can be in hospice care in the TV facility, regardless of ability to pay. The care and peaceful journey is superb.

Also, do not totally rule out hospice IN the facility instead of at home all the way till death. Sometimes the spouse gets debilitated and driven into the ground, trying 24/7 to cope with crazy, and even dangerous behavior of a cancer patient whose pain is literally driving them mad. Madness is not what hospice care and end of life is supposed to be. Be willing to go into the facility if the process is killing/driving mad your spouse at the end, too.

[rubicon]

Here we are. We express a hope to live a long life but forget there are often trade offs. So what we really are saying we want to live a long quality life.

But we don't get to choose. So we must prepare with health directives, etc.

My concern here is not about what I will experience but what my family will and the costs associated with attempts at extending my life. What a dilemma

[OBXNana]

Originally Posted by zonerboy

I am presently in Phoenix visiting my 93 year old Mom. She lives in a very expensive tiered assisted living facility in her own 1 bedroom apartment (no kitchen, she goes to the central dining room for very nice meals). Her husband (my dad) died 6 years ago and almost all her friends have also passed on. She has no will to live and wishes she could just "go to heaven". She does not participate in any activities available for residents at her facility such as exercise classes, games, crafts, movies, visiting musicians who lead sing-a-longs, field trips, etc. says it's too much trouble. So she sits in her chair all day with the TV on. Not certain if she watches it or not. Her severe diabetic neuropathy has caused her to have complete loss of control of her bladder, and only partial bowel control, so it is difficult to take her out any where. (I have a sister and two brothers living in Phoenix who try to help her)
She had heart surgery (double valve replacement, coronary bypass, plus pacemaker) at age 86, and now wishes she hadn't had it because she says she'd be dead and on heaven by now.
So what's the solution for situations such as this?? Seems to be getting more common as we age.
BTW, she is on anti-depressants. Discussion would be appreciated.

Does your mother have a Do Not Resuscitate order? Have you spoken to the facility to find out if this will be honored? Prolonging life may not be what she wants or maybe she wants as much done as possible until she takes her final breath.

My opinion, and what I would hope my children would do, if of sound mind, to allow your Mom to live out her final days the way she wishes. Sometimes we try to have a loved one do what we feel they should be doing or what we think we would want to do. Have you spoken with your Mom to see if she would like to attend bingo or would prefer staying in her comfortable chair, in her room, where she has found her comfort zone? Does she go out for meals? If unable, is the facility monitoring that her meals are being brought to her?

I feel for you and your siblings. Enjoy the time with your Mom.

[Bizdoc]

I believe that this is an intensely personal decision which belongs to the person, his/her spouse, doctor and spiritual advisor. Everyone else should stay out of the decision, especially the government and "do-gooders". Your spiritual advisor (if they are doing their job) can help you understand what your traditions and beliefs have to say.

You should make sure that your advance medical directives/living will is very clear and direct about your wishes. You also need to have a full and frank discussion with the folks who are listed on your medical power of attorney and (well before any decisions have to be made) with your doctor. Ask each one directly if they understand what what you want. If they don't agree, take them off of your list. Don't blame them - no matter what your wishes are, they are a terrible burden on them.

I have been having to make all of my parents' medical decisions for the past year+. It helps (but doesn't take away the tears) that the three of discussed what they wanted before aliens stole their brains. It also helps that my college room mate and I can still call each other and have a good cry when we need it.

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by OBXNana

Does your mother have a Do Not Resuscitate order? Have you spoken to the facility to find out if this will be honored? Prolonging life may not be what she wants or maybe she wants as much done as possible until she takes her final breath.

My opinion, and what I would hope my children would do, if of sound mind, to allow your Mom to live out her final days the way she wishes. Sometimes we try to have a loved one do what we feel they should be doing or what we think we would want to do. Have you spoken with your Mom to see if she would like to attend bingo or would prefer staying in her comfortable chair, in her room, where she has found her comfort zone? Does she go out for meals? If unable, is the facility monitoring that her meals are being brought to her?

I feel for you and your siblings. Enjoy the time with your Mom.

I think prolonging life is definitely not what zonerboy's mom wants. I think he is pondering the dilemma of a loved one's wish to die.