[Doctommft]

This is a great discussion that I am familiar with having worked 14 years in a Singles program in CT. From my experience and books read, we are geared for mating at all ages. At a party, at the squares, City Fire we scan the room in seconds looking for someone that peaks our interest. We already have a grading system in our brains stored and working unconsciously at all times. A person with a specific curve or prominent check bone, nose shape, and other facial specifics and reactions that fit our grading system is found within those seconds.

We all have different pheromones. When we manage to get close (real close, like a hug) to the individual, if both are attracted to the other's pheromones, we have what we call chemistry. Fill in 2B's great response at this point.

The relationship with chemistry goes quickly and can advance to sex within a few dates. Some folks, me included, feel that the relationship may be at risk unless the individuals take time and focus on developing the other necessary aspects such as friendship, emotional intimacy, communication, etc.

If only one person reacts to the pheromones, he or she becomes the pursuer, sometimes a lonely and frustrating role.

My personal opinion is that folks our age have a better handle on entering a relationship chemically loaded or not. We are better equipped to developing the friendship, communications, and emotional intimacy need to sustain the relationship. Manaboutown also hits the nail in the head in his response. Once that attraction is there, it is difficult to feel anything but wanting for that person. The chemistry usually lasts months but can peak and wane over the lifetimes of the individuals. Since the chemistry in the body does not change that significantly, the wanting can last a lifetime. This does not prohibit that individual from entering into another relationship with the same power of chemistry. Chemistry is not a necessary requirement to have a very close relationship. Those who have experienced mutual chemistry will argue with that opinion.

Perhaps a future discussion can follow up on "elderly romance and the role of chemistry no chemistry."

[Doctommft]

Because of the interest and significant knowledge in the responses, I would be willing to lead a live group similar to my experience in CT. It could help all of us understand the unconscious part of us as well as those important things that we can control in a relationship.

[kittygilchrist]

Originally Posted by Doctommft

Because of the interest and significant knowledge in the responses, I would be willing to lead a live group similar to my experience in CT. It could help all of us understand the unconscious part of us as well as those important things that we can control in a relationship.

Tom, kudos for proposing a forum for discussion. I love it. If you have no place in mind for a singles forum, my home is ready. and I could be first to say please don't give me t-groups and kumbaya. Most people who know me know I can shock you silly with one comment.

[Doctommft]

What is a T-group? Kumbaya group never. Not in my idealogy.

[manaboutown]

I did not know what a T group was either so I looked it up. T-groups - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

As for Kumbaya...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kumbaya

[kittygilchrist]

Originally Posted by Doctommft

What is a T-group? Kumbaya group never. Not in my idealogy.

t-groups were rage in early 70's. I was in Rogerian therapy class and had to spend hours with the class at the prof's home finding my inner group hug or something like that, after which the prof walked me to my car and tried to kiss me. sheesh.

[Doctommft]

I see a "Chemistry" group as helping attendees understand chemistry generally as well as exploring past relationships where chemistry played a role. It would not be therapy although some may take place among the members of the group (not a bad thing and will be group leader controlled as much as possible). Within each individual, self therapy may take place and would be a major benefit to that individual.

[Villages PL]

I think the reason "chemistry" is so difficult to define is because it's something that happens on a subconscious level of awareness. For example, sometimes you might know that you like someone but you may not know exactly why. And you might end up liking someone that you think you shouldn't like.

For young people the chemistry might be an animal attraction with the goal of raising a family. Whereas with the elderly, who are very advanced in age, it may sometimes be known as "senile love".

[graciegirl]

Originally Posted by Villages PL

I think the reason "chemistry" is so difficult to define is because it's something that happens on a subconscious level of awareness. For example, sometimes you might know that you like someone but you may not know exactly why. And you might end up liking someone that you think you shouldn't like.

For young people the chemistry might be an animal attraction with the goal of raising a family. Whereas with the elderly, who are very advanced in age, it may sometimes be known as "senile love".

You were doin' great there kid, until the last two words.


I know, you are probably right, but there have been some pretty wonderful couples "happen" among our more senior residents.

[manaboutown]

A lady friend of mine manages a rest home in Southeast Florida. She tells me that the sexual chemistry urge in elderly men is the last thing to go!

[kittygilchrist]

Originally Posted by manaboutown

A lady friend of mine manages a rest home in Southeast Florida. She tells me that the sexual chemistry urge in elderly men is the last thing to go!

I once worked in a nursing home where Mr. Richter sat staring mindlessly into space day after day. I heard a gale of laughter at the nurses' station and learned that the cause of the laughter was that Mr. Richter had fondled a nurse's derrier!

[manaboutown]

Originally Posted by kittygilchrist

I once worked in a nursing home where Mr. Richter sat staring mindlessly into space day after day. I heard a gale of laughter at the nurses' station and learned that the cause of the laughter was that Mr. Richter had fondled a nurse's derrier!

This is precisely the kind of behavior my friend was mentioning to me. She laughed about it, too. Some of these guys are well into their nineties and in wheelchairs but reach out when the female nurses and attendants walk by. Also, bathing them can be an issue.

[Mr.Kris]

Originally Posted by kittygilchrist

Chemistry. what is it?

To me it is a simple question with a simple answer.

It is the feeling that you want to spend time with that person above anyone else.

In other words, it is when you wake up in the morning in each others arms and your first thought is what can we do together today.

[LuckySevens]

Originally Posted by lovsthosebigdogs

I think chemistry happens between men and women, but also between people of the same sex (not homosexual/lesbian), as friends or between people and animals. It's the feeling that you 'click'. The feeling that you fit right together as friends or there is an attraction with each other that feels good and you want to spend more time together and get to know each other more. When it's between opposite sexes it's a sexual attraction that grows and keeps you interested in a way that's cerebral as well as physical. It makes you appreciate what that person says and does and the way they look and smell and feel and everything about them makes you want more. When it's between friends it's almost the same without the sex part. I have had chemistry with a new friend and just felt like we must have been friends for a long, long time because things felt good and right and, well... easy. I've even felt it with a dog (don't laugh). You pick the right dog and you just know it's the right one for you and immediately there is a connection of souls. You feel right together. I guess it doesn't matter the sex or the species, chemistry is the attraction that pulls one to another.

It is sad when you really click with someone of the same sex (just as a friend, NOT sexual) and they don't seem to click with you. I am finding that 'group clicks' form in TV, and sometimes they don't want to let another person in that group. They are very friendly when you are alone with them, but when their 'group' is around, they don't have the time of day for you (sort of like 7th grade). I never expected this to happen at our age. Oh well, such is life. I personally think you can never have too many friends.

[Barefoot]

And then there's the problem of "too much chemistry"! That's when you marry someone with no values, goals or interests in common. And end up saying: "What was I thinking?"