[rubicon]

The best philosophical perspective I encountered came from the movie Rangoon wherein an American and Burmanese doctor exchanged views.

The American stated she was taught that if she worked hard and did it all right then she would be rewarded. Let me digress she was in Burma following the murder of her husband and children. This was a true story and the woman was a doctor . her sister suggested she get away and so they went to Burma. Burma erupted and she got caught up in the civil war. The burmanese man was a rebel and intellect who had befriender her. She told him of her tragedy wherein he essentially explained that in their cultural they viewed life as all sad and when life visited upon you a moment of happiness that you savor every bit of it.

I believe he is correct and sadness visits us all often and in one way or antoher and we must learn to endure and in those few glimpses of happiness endear them to our hearts and minds.

[senior citizen]

Originally Posted by DianeM

Thank you for the hugs and good thoughts. Today just overwhelmed me with melancholy. Tomorrow is another day and one to embrace and start again.

Now, that is the right attitude as you can clearly see how much support you are receiving in your new chosen location.

I know from experience in trying to cheer up folks who had either lost a spouse, lost a parent or lost a child......that truly there are NO WORDS that can comfort them when they are in the midst of the despair you seem to be in......or else you would not publically announce it. It's a cry for help.

The generous spirited folks in TV have reciprocated with offers of help.
You can graciously accept it........or else if you need more time to "cocoon" then do that. Nothing wrong with that at all.

When our dear friend and next door neighbor passed at age 50, leaving two school aged children (college and high school) her husband was BEYOND GRIEF........he would come over to our home every single day and cry on my couch. Now, usually, I have just the right words to comfort people and I am a good listener.........but nothing I said would comfort him. I realized it was his own guilt.....at things he might have done better..........but the moral to this story is that eventually he joined a grief group at our hospital.........then he joined a widower/widows grief group and believe it or not, began dating. He eventually met his present wife and alls well that ends well.

It was NOT easy for him but he got through it and came out o.k.
Just want you to know that hopefully things should get brighter eventually.
If not, then perhaps you should seek professional help as we are all amateurs here just speaking from personal experience.

Some people do well to let it all hang out.
Others do better "coping" alone.
It all depends on your particular makeup....and how private a person you are.

Best wishes for happier moments. Just take each day at a time.

One thing that would definitely uplift you, although at first you might not think so..........VOLUNTEER AT A LOCAL NURSING HOME. Those people are starved for visitors. We still remember all the happy greetings we would get from the oldtimers when we would visit my mom, especially when she was at the end of her journey and could not communicate with us anymore...........I'd chat with others who still could speak; we'd wheel them out to the patio to get fresh air and hear the birds chirping, smell the flowers, etc...........it takes you away from your own sadness. It brings cheer to those who truly need it. The ones confined in nursing homes and perhaps in a wheelchair or bedridden. Try it. It will elevate your mood and make others happy as well.

[steve0010]

Diane you are stronger than you think!
i am also a upstate New Yorker that is also making a change with a business in new york after 36 years.
let me reassure you you made the right decision.
Upstate new York is failing and will not survive the next 10 years.
I left a 12k tax base as well winter weather, two of everything to go through the seasons.
Trust me that upstate new york will get worse including the infrastructure.
Look forward and only back for the good memory's, happiness is a state of mind!
Good luck TV is a beautiful place you are just out of your familiar surrounding which will change soon.
Good luck dear and pick up your bootstraps and look forward to your new life and friends at the villages, it looks from the post you have a nice support group.

[ssmith]

I have thought of you today Diane and hope you are a bit better.

I have moved often (in the distant past) and believe that you have to grieve the loss of your former life to embrace the new. There will be good and bad with the new life. The old life may seem to have been perfect but it had good and bad in it as well.

I have found that it does take at least 1 year for a place to feel more like home with friends and places becoming familiar.

Glad you have been honest....you never know who else this may help as well.

[Cantwaittoarrive]

Originally Posted by DianeM

Tomorrow would mark the 30th anniversary of the first house I bought in Bellerose, NY. I would be able to have a mortgage burning ceremony and be proud of paying off my house. Selling that house was the biggest mistake of my life. That was the last place I was truly happy. I doubt I will ever have peace again until my toes are pointing up.

That's sad I will pray for you. You should enjoy every second of life the good, the bad and the worse. Life on earth is short!

[Yung Dum]

I'm seeing a lot of real nice people here.

[KeepingItReal]

For You

[graciegirl]

Originally Posted by senior citizen

Now, that is the right attitude as you can clearly see how much support you are receiving in your new chosen location.

I know from experience in trying to cheer up folks who had either lost a spouse, lost a parent or lost a child......that truly there are NO WORDS that can comfort them when they are in the midst of the despair you seem to be in......or else you would not publically announce it. It's a cry for help.

The generous spirited folks in TV have reciprocated with offers of help.
You can graciously accept it........or else if you need more time to "cocoon" then do that. Nothing wrong with that at all.

When our dear friend and next door neighbor passed at age 50, leaving two school aged children (college and high school) her husband was BEYOND GRIEF........he would come over to our home every single day and cry on my couch. Now, usually, I have just the right words to comfort people and I am a good listener.........but nothing I said would comfort him. I realized it was his own guilt.....at things he might have done better..........but the moral to this story is that eventually he joined a grief group at our hospital.........then he joined a widower/widows grief group and believe it or not, began dating. He eventually met his present wife and alls well that ends well.

It was NOT easy for him but he got through it and came out o.k.
Just want you to know that hopefully things should get brighter eventually.
If not, then perhaps you should seek professional help as we are all amateurs here just speaking from personal experience.

Some people do well to let it all hang out.
Others do better "coping" alone.
It all depends on your particular makeup....and how private a person you are.

Best wishes for happier moments. Just take each day at a time.

One thing that would definitely uplift you, although at first you might not think so..........VOLUNTEER AT A LOCAL NURSING HOME. Those people are starved for visitors. We still remember all the happy greetings we would get from the oldtimers when we would visit my mom, especially when she was at the end of her journey and could not communicate with us anymore...........I'd chat with others who still could speak; we'd wheel them out to the patio to get fresh air and hear the birds chirping, smell the flowers, etc...........it takes you away from your own sadness. It brings cheer to those who truly need it. The ones confined in nursing homes and perhaps in a wheelchair or bedridden. Try it. It will elevate your mood and make others happy as well.

I learned this just recently. We try to be a friend and never are sure just how. Some people do need to cocoon and take in their drawbridge.

Every person is different.

[DianeM]

I've just reread these postings and a familiar thread is the need to take time to give oneself up to this locale. I realize that more time is needed before I consider going back. For now it's one day at a time and that's fine. The mood has lifted and today is new. Thanks to you all for your kindness and support.

[Parker]

Depression is a terrible thing, debilitating thing. Sometimes one needs help climbing out of it. You are understandably focused on a loved home, but I doubt that is the whole story. Might I gently suggest you seek out a professional to talk to? My heart goes out to you.

[DianeM]

Thank you but that's not for me. I do not wish to be medicated through life. I do not wish to take pills to "even out life ". I believe that on the days one is sad that it's okay to be sad. Feeling and emotions are part of life.

[Barefoot]

Originally Posted by DianeM

The mood has lifted and today is new.

Originally Posted by DianeM

Thank you but that's not for me. I do not wish to be medicated through life. I do not wish to take pills to "even out life ". I believe that on the days one is sad that it's okay to be sad. Feeling and emotions are part of life.

Diane, I'm so happy that you're feeling better today. I also believe it's OK to be occasionally sad, as long as it doesn't turn into an overwhelming depression. I'm one of the ones that needs to cocoon and spend time with nature and animals to restore my equilibrium. Sending a virtual hug!

[notlongnow]

DianeM,

Truely an incredible thread full of very incredible people.

I hope you get a chance to meet most of these people so you can feel as blessed as you are.

EB

[DianeM]

Originally Posted by Barefoot

Diane, I'm so happy that you're feeling better today. I also believe it's OK to be occasionally sad, as long as it doesn't turn into an overwhelming depression. I'm one of the ones that needs to cocoon and spend time with nature and animals to restore my equilibrium. Sending a virtual hug!

Thank you. I too feel that it's okay to hermit with the remote and the pups and a good book sometimes. Life doesn't have to constantly be go go go. It's okay to be still within oneself.

[DianeM]

Originally Posted by notlongnow

DianeM,

Truely an incredible thread full of very incredible people.

I hope you get a chance to meet most of these people so you can feel as blessed as you are.

EB

I find it truly amazing the number of people who took the time to respond to this thread. Who knew that people were so kind.