Helpful advice and warnings for brand new Villagers.

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  #511  
Old 01-03-2019, 09:39 AM
ColdNoMore ColdNoMore is offline
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Best analogy ever!!! So well said, Boomer!

  #512  
Old 01-03-2019, 09:56 AM
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First of all, a disclaimer: For those who have been around here for a while and are sensitive to anything they feel is aimed at their personal political opinions, that is not what I am doing here. I mention no party. I am attempting to address the question about what we Villagers know happens here sometimes. Incoming Villagers who want to know what to expect and how to navigate in peace deserve an opinion. So please do not have my post removed. It is not about you and your politics. It is about meeting new people in TV while avoiding political discussion.


Dear drjohns,

You will meet a few people who are constantly, and immediately, trying to insert their politics into every conversation or social occasion. They often will assume you are one of them because of how you look or what you have. (But that is true everywhere these days when meeting new people and even among old friends.)

In TV, I am quite good at what I call "The Driveway Dance" -- this dance can be done when meeting new neighbors, but also in places other than just on your street. (If you have ever been a good company wife, you already will know the dance steps.)

I do not find it to be worth being caught up in opposing political opinions. I choose not to engage.

(My choice to not engage in political discourse actually bothers me. I would love to have an actual discussion with someone who can tell me why they think as they do -- in their own words and from their individual experience. I do not like how divided we feel as a nation. But I choose my battles when it comes to our social life.)

I think of TV, affectionately, of course, as the World's Biggest High School. As the new kid, take your time.

You will meet some who are trying right away to determine your politics. Those are usually the most vocal, determined to know if you are one who gets to sit at their lunch table in the high school cafeteria. Their lunch table is the only place they want to be and they can seem angry at those who will not sit right there with them -- way over on whatever side of the high school cafeteria they need to sit..

But you are also going to meet people who feel just like you do.

Usually I can change the subject or graciously escape. There are times though when I know there is no chance that I want to know a person better -- because they would not like me. There are times when I have been known to say, with a smile, "I do not discuss politics." That seems to work most times and to some I say it to, I know it is a relief.

You will be just fine. Meanwhile, practice those "dance steps" and take your time as you enter "The Biggest High School in the World." (Please remember, oh sensitive ones, that I say this with affection and I really do know my way around high schools.)

Anyway, drjohns, you will find your place here. TV has many good things to offer -- and under a mostly blue sky.

Sincerely,
Boomer
Well said and accurate and more so each day.

DRJOHNS fears are not unique at all, and you ably responded.
  #513  
Old 01-03-2019, 10:29 AM
Boomer Boomer is offline
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Many people on this Forum never, ever, touch on politics in anyway. On this Forum. You and I aren't among them.

Most people do NOT EVER discuss politics in social gatherings here in The Villages.. I know I don't. You also say that.

I think the anonymity of this Forum allows people to say hurtful things. Especially if they are annoyed or someone pushes their button. Or they feel they represent a large group who think like they do. On this forum.

But most people do not discuss politics here in The Villages. Not in real social situations. Here. In The Villages. Where people know your real name.

Gracie,

I want to address this, but not right now.

I understand what you are saying. I understand perspective.

For now, I need to think about how to say what I want to say without wasting my time, only to be deleted. I hope to add to the discussion and not shut it down.

I have no plan to attack. The question I am trying to answer is about how much of a problem politics can be for brand new Villagers, not for those who are established.


(PS: Jazuela, I understand what you are saying. High school can be brutal, junior high, maybe even worse.

Mean girls and boy bullies are always a part of the teenage territory and they thrive on pack behavior. Some never get past it. But that does not mean that educators should not do everything they can to stop it -- that was one of my "causes" throughout those many years I spent in secondary ed.

I bet your English teacher knew how insightful, discerning, perceptive you are. It shows in your writing. )
  #514  
Old 01-03-2019, 10:54 AM
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Gracie,

I want to address this, but not right now.

I understand what you are saying. I understand perspective.

For now, I need to think about how to say what I want to say without wasting my time, only to be deleted. I hope to add to the discussion and not shut it down.

I have no plan to attack. The question I am trying to answer is about how much of a problem politics can be for brand new Villagers, not for those who are established.


(PS: Jazuela, I understand what you are saying. High school can be brutal, junior high, maybe even worse.

Mean girls and boy bullies are always a part of the teenage territory and they thrive on pack behavior. Some never get past it. But that does not mean that educators should not do everything they can to stop it -- that was one of my "causes" throughout those many years I spent in secondary ed.

I bet your English teacher knew how insightful, discerning, perceptive you are. It shows in your writing. )
you have much more discipline than I when having such a conversation.

I was "entertained" the other morning having coffee and a bagel by a group of folks, LOUDLY proclaiming, not discussing, what was presented to them on television the night before, none of it true.

Wife and I simply left.

But it is what it is right now, and applying your patience and discipline is probably a good thing.

In your original post you said "I would love to have an actual discussion with someone who can tell me why they think as they do -- in their own words and from their individual experience"

I long to have those days of truth to return.

Hope have not gone too far and will quit now.
  #515  
Old 01-03-2019, 10:57 AM
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Snip>...Mean girls and boy bullies are always a part of the teenage territory and they thrive on pack behavior.

Some never get past it.

But that does not mean that educators should not do everything they can to stop it -- that was one of my "causes" throughout those many years I spent in secondary ed...<Snip
Well stated, oh-so-true and a very noble "cause"...that I too share.
  #516  
Old 01-04-2019, 07:25 AM
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The only suggestion I can offer is attend a session of the "Civil Discourse Club" here in TV. It is a place to discuss many controversial subjects with a diverse group of people with one simple rule....BE CIVIL!!!!
  #517  
Old 01-04-2019, 07:30 AM
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The only suggestion I can offer is attend a session of the "Civil Discourse Club" here in TV. It is a place to discuss many controversial subjects with a diverse group of people with one simple rule....BE CIVIL!!!!
I have heard many good things about this group and I personally know several people who I admire who attend, from both sides of the aisle.
  #518  
Old 01-04-2019, 08:12 AM
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The only suggestion I can offer is attend a session of the "Civil Discourse Club" here in TV. It is a place to discuss many controversial subjects with a diverse group of people with one simple rule....BE CIVIL!!!!
I am amazed at the new things I learn about The Villages. I have not heard of this club and yet, it sounds like something for which I have been yearning. A yearning, that in a very small way, is satisfied by TOTV.
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  #519  
Old 01-04-2019, 08:42 AM
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I think the anonymity of this Forum allows people to say hurtful things. Especially if they are annoyed or someone pushes their button. Or they feel they represent a large group who think like they do. On this forum.

But most people do not discuss politics here in The Villages. Not in real social situations. Here. In The Villages. Where people know your real name.

Also, there are people who post who believe that they are completely fair and kind and they are not. They lay in wait to jump on others they don't like.

I may be one of them. Sometimes.

People have their views on life in religion, or lack of it, in politics, or in day to day dealings. Deep down, underneath it all most people are the same. They are hurt and angered by insults and being minimized and not believed and agreed with. NONE of us are right all of the time or wrong all of the time. Some of us would be easier to live with day to day than others.

Last edited by graciegirl; 01-04-2019 at 09:02 AM.
  #520  
Old 01-04-2019, 09:43 AM
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. . . Also, there are people who post who believe that they are completely fair and kind and they are not. They lay in wait to jump on others they don't like.

I may be one of them. Sometimes.
Recently I was one of those who, in a passive-aggressive way, was not completely fair and kind which I now totally regret!
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  #521  
Old 01-04-2019, 09:55 AM
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I have lived in TV for almost 2 years, so I'm almost a newbie. If I had one thought to add to this thread, it is this; we are taught never to discuss politics or religion in social settings. Maybe we would be better served if we were taught how to discuss politics and religion civilly and thoughtfully. If we never discussed political views with others, we would never gain knowledge other than our own beliefs. Just my thoughts after living here for a short period of time. BTW, love TV!!!!

Last edited by crimeslayer; 01-04-2019 at 10:05 AM.
  #522  
Old 01-04-2019, 10:00 AM
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Recently I was one of those who, in a passive-aggressive way, was not completely fair and kind which I now totally regret!
That is very hard for me to believe. You are kind and fair BK.
  #523  
Old 01-04-2019, 10:39 AM
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Originally Posted by crimeslayer View Post
I have lived in TV for almost 2 years, so I'm almost a newbie. If I had one thought to add to this thread, it is this; we are taught never to discuss politics or religion in social settings. Maybe we would be better served if we were taught how to discuss politics and religion civilly and thoughtfully. If we never discussed political views with others, we would never gain knowledge other than our own beliefs. Just my thoughts after living here for a short period of time. BTW, love TV!!!!
TWO YEARS ? Not a newbie any longer at all.

I was never taught not to discuss politics and in fact, have been active in politics for years and earned a living at it for a number of years.

Difference today is that we do not discuss ISSUES involved, but we only discuss PERSONALITIES. We seem to hate those who oppose our guy and tend to share that venom. We seem to feel that anyone who opposes us is a bad bad person, no matter the truth of the matter......not marching in step is a bad person.

We seem to have lost the ability to discern truth from fiction, or to have the care to even find out what is true. THAT is important because to discuss like an adult issues that are political demands that both parties being talking about what is real, not alternate reality.

I find it sad that we cannot discuss issues without sharing hate of some form.
  #524  
Old 01-04-2019, 11:42 AM
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This thread is moving away from its purpose. Please return to the topic of advice for New Residents. Further posts on the current discussion will be deleted.

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  #525  
Old 01-04-2019, 10:19 PM
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Originally Posted by crimeslayer View Post
The only suggestion I can offer is attend a session of the "Civil Discourse Club" here in TV. It is a place to discuss many controversial subjects with a diverse group of people with one simple rule....BE CIVIL!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BK001 View Post
I am amazed at the new things I learn about The Villages. I have not heard of this club and yet, it sounds like something for which I have been yearning. A yearning, that in a very small way, is satisfied by TOTV.

The Civil Discourse Club has been around for at least 10 years. It grew so much that they eventually went to two meetings for each topic. (I am not sure though if that happens every month.)

During winter, it can be really difficult to get in because of the size limitation of the meeting rooms. If you want to go, I suggest getting there early.

Upcoming Schedule:

“Self-Driving Cars and Society”
01/07 at 10:00 at Colony
Repeated on 1/14 at Savannah


“Presidential Executive Orders: Social Progress or Road to Dictatorship” on January 21 at Colony.

My email did not say anything about a repeat of the January 21 topic.

(I sure hope I do not get a complaint for sharing info on a club in TV that sometimes has political discussion — not always, not usually, just sometimes, and January 21 happens to be one.

For example, November’s topics were “The Five Love Languages” and “The Twelve Greatest Scientists.”)

The way it works is a speaker gives a relatively short, time-limited presentation on the topic. After that, people can go to a microphone, one-by-one, to make comments, also time-limited.

There really is something for everybody in TV. But with the size of the population, it is not always easy to find each other. Clubs that interest you can help — if you can get in the door.

(I still miss the old Lifelong Learning College.)

Last edited by Boomer; 01-04-2019 at 10:26 PM. Reason: Typos
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