[SteveZ]

Originally Posted by The_Palmers

My Mom has always been shy, she is not depressed. She does not make friends easily and has always been this way, this is not a new development. This is why I do not want her in an apartment alone. I want her to have her own apartment, but be forced to eat with others, which will provide social interaction. She is the kind of woman who only ever talked with my Dad and her family, now everyone is dead, she does not really know how to put herself out there. By having group meals, she has to put herself out there. It took her six months to attend her first bingo game at the place she is living now....now she goes to all the functions.

As a thought...

Have gone (and still going) through the same issue with my mother (82) and father-in-law (88 when he passed). One thing I learned from the beginning is that what "I want" didn't matter. I was gently (and not so gently) reminded by them both that they managed to make it through a depression, WWII, a dozen Presidents and rap music; and no "child" of their's (biological or in-law) was smarter about how they should live their life(ves) as they were themselves. Both of them being highly independent in thinking, the concept of living with others, eating when told to, and all those "rules" involved in communal living just didn't cut it. They both considered it "going backwards" and both said that lifestyle to them was just having one-foot-in-the-grave and being in a holding pattern until the coroner arrived. I tried putting myself in their shoes for a minute, and had to agree, as I too don't want to live in a barracks again, no matter how pretty it is.

One good thing about The Villages is that if all of you come here (you two in one place, your mother in another), the circumstances here and the topography allow for as frequent a set of visits as either want to have. Also, being a golf-cart community, it doesn't take long for folk of all ages and situation to get chummy all by themselves, especially since the ages of the residents and their interests cover a lot of ground.

My spouse and I have discussed what will happen with my mother once she stops driving and can't get around for the basics (food, medical care, etc) due to lack of car. We have proposed to her the option of her getting a place of her own in TV (she lives in Orlando now). She's not against it - just still maneuverable enough not to want to do it yet. When/if that time happens, there's enough places (the new cottages, resales, etc) for her to select a place to her choosing.

Granted, if she came here, we'd have to invest some time getting her to a couple of the clubs, activities, etc. - priming the pump, so to speak. After that, the natural bonding that occurs with being around people your own age, background, experiences, music, etc. takes over, and then they all start looking after each other. Isn't that what we all are doing now ourselves? ? ?

Again, just a thought.....

[graciegirl]

So well said Steve.

I wish I had a mother to worry about.

[Cassie325]

Palmers...I posted some info on the other thread...sounds like your Mom has already decided that she wants to live in a small community that has some services included...but still have some independence. The Holiday communities should fit her needs and wants.

So nice of you to bring her down to FL with you. She obviously has made her wishes clear...I want to live near you...get the help I need or want...but from someone else....it is great she is making those decisions for herself!!

This will make your visiting time with her extra special...as they will be social...not caretaking...as that is what she seems to want...whether you do or not!! She is the mom!! Good for her...and you!

[salpal]

Thanks for all suggestions. Cassie, I will check out the Heidi place. It is not likely that we will be able to move to TV. I cannot simply stick my Mom in a place and visit her once a week or once a month or so. I visit my Mom EVERY single day, I need to be very close physically. She is unable to drive a golf cart or live in a house alone. She can barely walk a block, she has severe arthritis. Other than that, she is good. So, although I appreciate the suggestions that she have her own place on her own, it is not a realistic situation for her. She does well in her independent living situation for now, has her own apartment, but has group meals and activities. She has her privacy and a social life, best of both worlds for her.

And I know some of you will suggest she live with me, again not a realistic situation, she would drive me and husband nuts. I love her but cannot live with her, I am sure some can relate. I sure some will be upset with that statement.

I was shocked to find the prices higher in Florida than in the northeast for these places. Freedom Pointe is a joke, they insist you buy into it, minimum of $200K to $500K....she is not wealthy and neither are we. Also there is a $3,500 fee just to get in. The place she lives now has a one time fee of $1,000 and $3300 a month, no other hidden costs or up front costs, there is no lease or obligation, she can move out without financial penalty at any time. With the senior population in Florida, I find it hard to believe there is not something close or in TV with more realistic costs.

[KathieI]

Originally Posted by redwitch

Check with KathieI. She brought her dad out from California. I know she couldn't find a satisfactory place right by TV but did find a really nice one in Tampa, which isn't that far of a drive. Her dad is very social and definitely needs a place that will give him lots of activities.

Wow, I wrote a long post to respond to this thread and I hit the wrong button and it was totally wiped out.

Red's right, I spent numerous hours on this dilemma and its a matter of priorities not only yours but your Mom's also. Finding a clean, decent facility for my Dad, I needed to decide what was more important,
a) visiting him every other day or
b) having a lovely, active senior independent facility for him that's affordable and see him twice a week and periodically bring him to visit for long weekends in TV.

I chose the latter and he is now living very happily in Sun City, with many daily activities and weekly outings, dances, bingo, cards, etc. They have happy hour nightly (those old devils) and delicious meals 3 x a day. He has made a lot of friends and feels very comfortable and SAFE!!

I hope that you are able to come up with solutions to your problem, it is not easy but spend a lot of time on the internet investigating what you would like to accomplish.

Surprisingly, there were not as many senior independent living places in FL as I thought there would be, at least not in this area. I found more in the Southeast and Tampa areas.

Good luck, and PM me if you would like any additional information. KathieI