Chuckle Of The Day

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  #151  
Old 07-18-2008, 11:15 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK
>
> I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
>
> A half-gallon of 2% milk,
> A carton of eggs,
> A quart of orange juice,
> A head of romaine lettuce,
> A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
> 1 lb. package of bacon.
>
>
> As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
> standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the
> cashier.
>
> While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly
> stated, "You must be single."
>
> I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the
> derelict's intuition, since I am indeed single. I looked at the six
> items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my
selections.
> Nothing,
> I thought, that could have tipped off the drunk as to my marital status.
>
> Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, "Well, you know what,
> you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"
>
> The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

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  #152  
Old 07-26-2008, 03:55 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'
He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'
'So, where were you all these years? '
'In prison,' he says.
'Why did they put you in prison?'
He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'
'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'
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Da Chicago So Side; The Village of Park Forest, IL; 3/7 Cav, 3rd Inf Div, Schweinfurt, Ger 65-66; MACV J12 Saigon 66-67; San Leandro, Hayward & Union City, CA (San Francisco East Bay Area) GO DUBS ! (aka W's)
  #153  
Old 07-26-2008, 05:35 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

1rnfl 1rnfl 1rnfl 1rnfl

Some women just cant take a hint!!!
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  #154  
Old 07-29-2008, 12:25 AM
REDCART REDCART is offline
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

Counseling,,,, Minnesota Style

The Villages Florida

Ole and Sven are quietly sitting in a boat fishing,

chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Sven says,

'I tink I'm gonna divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to

me in over 2 months.'



Ole sips his beer and says, 'Better tink it over...

........women like dat are hard to find.'
  #155  
Old 08-04-2008, 12:27 AM
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Default Kids pull no punches...

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
  #156  
Old 08-06-2008, 01:44 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, 'Are all of those kids yours?'

He replied, 'No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.'

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  #157  
Old 09-04-2008, 01:26 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

Quote:
Originally Posted by redwitch
A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, 'Are all of those kids yours?'

He replied, 'No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.'

1rnfl 1rnfl

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  #158  
Old 09-04-2008, 02:20 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened So she blew a little harder,and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Duh, like... HELLO! You need to roll up the windows first.'
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  #159  
Old 09-07-2008, 01:16 AM
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Default *JUST A TAP ON THE SHOULDER"

*JUST A TAP ON THE SHOULDER"

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab..................

I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.'*
  #160  
Old 09-14-2008, 04:24 PM
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Default Four Catholic Mothers

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'4", hard bodied, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, 'My God'...."
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