[CFrance]

This is the first warning I have seen for older men and I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. It's a 'heads up' for those older men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, Target or Wal-Mart.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while
out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned
out to be quite traumatic.

Don't be naive enough to think it can't happen to you!

Here's how the scam works:

Two nice looking, college-age girls will come over
to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases
into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield
with a cloth and Windex, with their breasts almost falling
out of their skimpy T-shirts (it's impossible not to look).

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they refuse it
but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's. You agree and
they climb into your vehicle. On the way, they start un-
dressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you,
while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,
again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 28th. Also July 1st,
4th, 8th, twice on the 16th &17th, and very likely again this
upcoming weekend.

What a horrible way to take advantage of older men.
So please, send this on to all the guys you know and warn them to be on
the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before
lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

Please warn your older male friends to be vigilant.

PS - Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each.
I found even cheaper ones at the
Dollar Store.

[dbussone]

Ouch

[CFrance]

To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegal's) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home. I started to cry when I thought of you all. Then it dawned on me .....oh, shoot ... I'll see you on the bus.

This joke will probably get axed by the mods!

[skyguy79]

Saw a billboard that said,

"Need help, call Jesus."
1-800-316-3303

Out of curiosity I did...

A Mexican showed up with a tow truck.

[skyguy79]

A blind man was describing his favorite sport... parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.

"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.

But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.

He quickly answered "Oh..... the dog's leash goes slack."

[skyguy79]

Hear about the local movie theater that got robbed? They got away with $300 worth of merchandise - A large coke, popcorn and a box of raisin covered chocolates.

[2BNTV]

A woman with ample breast, wore a see through blouse, when robbing the bank.

When asked to give a description of the robber, the male teller said,

"I never saw her face".

BTW - This is a true story/joke.

[2BNTV]

A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more.
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no,

I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think things to say.

[triton18]

Originally Posted by 2BNTV

Here's an oldie but goodie. Enjoy!!!

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no,

I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.

That was hilarious!!

[skyguy79]

Did you know there's a 4 piece rock group that doesn't sing?

It's called Mt.Rushmore.

[skyguy79]

Where do animals go if they lose their tails?

To the retail store. Come on... pay attention.

[Patty55]

Originally Posted by skyguy79

Did you know there's a 4 piece rock group that doesn't sing?

It's called Mt.Rushmore.

And from the Canadian side

[CFrance]

Are they wearing boxers, or tighty whities?

[Cisco Kid]

Scientists have just completed a study into the effects of alcohol on walking. The result was staggering.

[mgjim]

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?