Chuckle Of The Day

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  #91  
Old 01-29-2008, 04:21 AM
REDCART REDCART is offline
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

Blondes are always getting a bad rap!!! What ever happened to Polish jokes?
  #92  
Old 01-29-2008, 02:22 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

gryoung,

Good question! Havant heard one in a long time. We have to keep the insults balanced here.

Anyone know a good polish joke?
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  #93  
Old 01-29-2008, 02:37 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

ok, ok, heres one........

How many poles does it take to change a light bulb?

100001! One to hold the bulb and the other 100000 to spin the house!!! 1rnfl
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  #94  
Old 01-29-2008, 03:03 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

My favorite Polish joke is the guy who tried to build a basement in his ice shanty.
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  #95  
Old 01-29-2008, 04:30 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

Quote:
Originally Posted by gryoung
Blondes are always getting a bad rap!!! What ever happened to Polish jokes?
Thank you GRYOUNG...Glad some peeps consider us blondes...The Villages Florida
  #96  
Old 01-29-2008, 07:59 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

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  #97  
Old 01-29-2008, 08:42 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

1rnfl ......1rnfl...... 1rnfl...... 1rnfl...... 1rnfl
  #98  
Old 01-29-2008, 09:34 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

complete prostate exams are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous ..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (male) while he was performing their prostate exams:
>
> 1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before !
>
> 2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet ?"
>
> 3. "Can you hear me NOW ?"
>
> 4. "Are we there yet ? Are we there yet ? Are we there yet ?"
>
> 5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
>
> 6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief ?"
>
> 7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out ..."
>
> 8. "Hey ! Now I know how a Muppet feels !"
>
> 9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit !
>
> 10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
>
> 11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you ?"
>
> 12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
>
> And the best one of all ...
>
> 13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there ?"
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  #99  
Old 01-29-2008, 09:38 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

Dicky,

These are so funny.

Probably a good thing to think about while the doc is doing his thang! I dont suppose its any fun for the doc either!
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  #100  
Old 01-30-2008, 12:44 AM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs
to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table
with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in
thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he
wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into
the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago
when we were dating, and you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring
and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily.
"Do you remember when you father caught us in the back
seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering
herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues..."Do you remember when he
shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry
my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".

"I remember that too", she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...
"I would have gotten out today!"
  #101  
Old 01-31-2008, 12:47 AM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers...... They panhandle on different areas of town.

Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects $2 to $3 dollars every day.

Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose, "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?".

Jose says, . "Look at your sign, what does it say?"

Carlos sign reads, "I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support."

Jose says, " No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars."

Carlos says, "So what does your sign say?"

Jose shows Carlos his sign......

It reads, "I only need another $10.00
to move back to Mexico."
  #102  
Old 01-31-2008, 05:17 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the breeze with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed:
Clueless :dontknow:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore! You're a United States Senator from N ew York running for President of the United States. Act like one!
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  #103  
Old 01-31-2008, 05:27 PM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests.

What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away.


Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.


"You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.

"You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. "What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone."

The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,

"Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse. For the last time . . . BRING POSSEEEE"
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  #104  
Old 02-01-2008, 12:40 AM
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Default Re: Chuckle Of The Day

JoanneP, As I was reading your joke, I could hear the Fruitcake Lady in my head. The Clinton's have certainly contributed to the humor mill. Have you ever heard the Fruitcake Lady? If not google Fruitcake Lady and you'll see what I mean.

Nonnie, glad you appreciate my humor. Wish I could take credit for it but most of it just comes via emails. Now, Tal, Handi, and Fumar are truly witty. George
  #105  
Old 02-02-2008, 03:11 PM
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Default What Do Retired People Do All Day?

There are some jokes that are just as funny every time you hear them...This is one of them.

What Do Retired People Do All Day?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So my wife called him a ****head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age
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