[juddfl]

You might have just inspired me with your reply. Thank You

[tophcfa]

Originally Posted by asianthree

in our family sutures done at kitchen table.

We use crazy glue, saved me a couple trips to the ER.

[RiderOnTheStorm]

Originally Posted by MartinSE

Now that I am in my 70's things are starting to wear out and some of those clubs I paid dues into all my life are starting to pay dividends (smoking 2 packs of non-filter Pall Mall's a day for 45 years - approximately $98,000 not counting interest) like the membership in the "I got cancer" club...

I have been pondering lately if it would have made any difference if my parents and grandparents had ever discussed how their health was and how it was impacting their quality of life. My family considered any discussion of health taboo, off limits - those dark little secrets not to be discussed.

Since I retired I have encouraged my children (7 kids - almost countless grand and great-grand kids) to ask questions and openly discuss health issues.

What is everyones opinion.

Do you openly discuss growing older with your kids - not preaching, just openly discussing it.

This is an excellent topic to discuss with your children. After putting each of mine through 4-7 years of college I tell them that I am aggressively spending whatever is left over of their inheritance.

[MartinSE]

Originally Posted by RiderOnTheStorm

This is an excellent topic to discuss with your children. After putting each of mine through 4-7 years of college I tell them that I am aggressively spending whatever is left over of their inheritance.

Thank you,

We are not aggressively spending ours. I have 7 kids, my wife has 5. Between then with two generations we have almost countless grandkids. So, plenty to spend whatever we pass on to them. LOL.

We do not deny ourselves, but we don't just buy because we can. Each has their own priorities. If I were Musk or Gates, I would be spending like crazy and only leave a billion or so - and make the struggle to earn their own - LOL!

[cswett5234]

My parents live in TV, they are in their mid-80’s, both are starting to have health issues, step-dad had his prostate removed, Mom has always had minor bouts of skin cancer and heart issues. It’s tough to discuss issues because you don’t want to appear particularly “ghoulish” or like you’re just after their money (we have plenty of our own).

Last time we visited (and after a few drinks) I asked Mom if she would stay in TV if Dad passed first or would she want to move back to Maine to be closer me and my sister. She said she would STAY in TV, said she enjoyed the place and enjoyed the neighbors, knew her way around, etc…

The questions we have are:
1. What are your plans if your spouse passes first? Stay or leave? Go to an assisted living facility? Do you have monies for such a move?
2. Do you have a list of assets? Bank accounts, where they’re located, any outstanding loans?
3. Do you have a will? Do Not Resuscitate orders written down anywhere?
4. Burial or cremation? Do you have a cemetery plot purchased or have a place in mind?
5. Do you have a list of all utility providers? Cell phone bill, electric/water/gas bills, home/auto insurance company, Netflix, Cable service….access to these accounts so they can be terminated.

These are the questions I would love to ask my folks, but can’t. Seniors of TV, how would you respond to your children asking these questions? Be honest.

[Whitley]

Originally Posted by ThirdOfFive

True. I once had a doctor tell me I needed to lose weight and quit smoking. He weighed at least 300 lbs. and was puffing on a Marlboro when he told me. Good advice? Yep. Good example? Well...

My plans are made. My wife and kids have copies of my will as well as my advance directive. It is simple: if I cannot make my own decisions if seriously ill and no hope of a reasonable quality of life, then pull the plug.

Re your advance directives: not terribly difficult to have your view when you are healthy. I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer, and told I had less than a 50/50 chance. It is very difficult to discuss as I have a great deal of guilt surrounding the experience. The point is, I did everything possible to stay alive. Drank things that glowed, was enrolled in experimental treatments, petitioned for compassionate use. When faced with it, I wanted to see my children graduate, and grow up. I have quite a group of effects from the treatments, but have seem my kids graduate 8th grade, HS and college. It seems very reasonable and rational to say if I am not going to have a reasonable quality of life let it go. In my case I was too weak or strong (not sure) to go quietly. Glad I am here.

[Whitley]

Originally Posted by tophcfa

We use crazy glue, saved me a couple trips to the ER.

The hospital used crazy glue.

[OrangeBlossomBaby]

Originally Posted by Happydaz

I had a slow start in the healthy living category. I smoked up until I was 31 and I stayed out too late on occasion. (Understatement) I did quit smoking among other bad habits in my early thirties and that did have an effect on my five sons. I didn’t preach but I told them the mistakes I had made and left it at that. I was always a very aggressive gardener and spent hours digging, cutting, etc.. all the time. That kept me in moderately good shape, but in my middle age I ballooned to 212 pounds and didn’t feel in any position to talk about good health habits. Finally in my 60’s I started to lose weight and tried to eat better.

The most dramatic change occurred nine years ago when I moved to The Villages. Right after moving here I bought a carbon fiber road bicycle and now bicycle well over 100 miles a week. My weight dropped to 160 pounds and I am in the best shape of my adult life. I still garden like crazy and lift hand weights. What have I seen? The neighbors who moved in at the same time used to chuckle when they saw me all dirty and sweaty from gardening and they would ask me why I do that to my self. So what has happened? They no longer laugh as now many of them are having health problems, etc and they no longer give me a hard time. This is the lesson I mention to my sons, I am shocked about the divergence I see among my friends and neighbors who are in their mid seventies. People who have drank too much, ate too much and didn’t exercise over these last years are really getting sick. Heart problems, circulation problems etc. One of my son’s father in law, the same age as me, drinks excessively and just quit smoking. At a graduation party for our granddaughter I noticed how sick he looked. His wife said he had COPD but looking at his swollen feet (he was wearing sandals) it appeared that he had other issues. He drank beer after beer. He mentioned to me that getting old was really bad. When I returned to The Villages I was so thankful that we have the opportunities here to have the best possible health. We can’t blame our problems on the weather or work pressures. That is what I try to instill in my sons that you can improve your health at any age.

Your situation is more profound than mine, but I've followed a similar path. Partied like it was 1999, from 1978 til 1990. Slowed down significantly when I turned 30 but was still smoking like a fiend. Finally quit smoking when I was in my late 40's. Joined a gym. Got fit in my 50's, but was otherwise unmotivated, and gained another 10 pounds.

Fast forward to now, at 61, weeding the garden and flower bed by hand because it FEELS good to do it. Will be riding my bike again once it stops being so damned hot all the time. I dance at the squares every so often, dance at home to music from my YouTube playlist while I clean the floor or wash the dishes, dance with a group I'm in once a week.

For a month and a half I was out of commission due to hip problems. Seems to be better now, just in time to prepare for bike-riding season again.

Looking forward to getting fit again - on my own terms. I'm still the kid in the neighborhood, but it feels as though the older folks are getting SO much older, so quickly, and I'm feeling better than I have in years.

[Happydaz]

Originally Posted by OrangeBlossomBaby

Your situation is more profound than mine, but I've followed a similar path. Partied like it was 1999, from 1978 til 1990. Slowed down significantly when I turned 30 but was still smoking like a fiend. Finally quit smoking when I was in my late 40's. Joined a gym. Got fit in my 50's, but was otherwise unmotivated, and gained another 10 pounds.

Fast forward to now, at 61, weeding the garden and flower bed by hand because it FEELS good to do it. Will be riding my bike again once it stops being so damned hot all the time. I dance at the squares every so often, dance at home to music from my YouTube playlist while I clean the floor or wash the dishes, dance with a group I'm in once a week.

For a month and a half I was out of commission due to hip problems. Seems to be better now, just in time to prepare for bike-riding season again.

Looking forward to getting fit again - on my own terms. I'm still the kid in the neighborhood, but it feels as though the older folks are getting SO much older, so quickly, and I'm feeling better than I have in years.

Good to hear! Keep up the gardening it’s good for the body, mind and soul. It sounds like you moved here recently. I found that after awhile (3-5 years) you can adjust to the high heat. Losing weight helps too as you are no longer “well insulated.” I bicycle with the bike club and we start by 8:00 AM and that helps avoid the heat. I actually prefer summer riding to winter. (below 60 degrees!) That condition of feeling better than you have in years can continue to amaze you. Who would have thought it was possible!

[Whitley]

Originally Posted by Dgodin

I learned by watching my father age. He spent the last 10 years of his life tethered to an oxygen line. He also smoked unfiltered Pall Malls.
So I retired at 61 and moved here where it will be easy to age with a one story house and golf cart access to nearly everything.

I think we will live longer in Florida. I had planned on being retired by now. Had the IRA's, A large life policy that paid monthly living expenses. Cancer threw a wrench in that. I was diagnosed with stage 3 canc.. . When traditional methods/treatments did not get it, I went with untraditional methods. Insurance stopped paying at that point. Best made plans... . Although I may not have off 7 days a week, I will be in Florida. Having an income is nice too. May we learn from our parents mistakes, and our children learn from ours. All the best to you.

[Whitley]

Originally Posted by Happydaz

Good to hear! Keep up the gardening it’s good for the body, mind and soul. It sounds like you moved here recently. I found that after awhile (3-5 years) you can adjust to the high heat. Losing weight helps too as you are no longer “well insulated.” I bicycle with the bike club and we start by 8:00 AM and that helps avoid the heat. I actually prefer summer riding to winter. (below 60 degrees!) That condition of feeling better than you have in years can continue to amaze you. Who would have thought it was possible!

What is the best exercise to keep the joints moving. I have some missing parts (lung lobe and others) and want to be sure I will be independent when I am 90. Yoga? Bike Riding?

[MartinSE]

Originally Posted by cswett5234

My parents live in TV, they are in their mid-80’s, both are starting to have health issues, step-dad had his prostate removed, Mom has always had minor bouts of skin cancer and heart issues. It’s tough to discuss issues because you don’t want to appear particularly “ghoulish” or like you’re just after their money (we have plenty of our own).

Last time we visited (and after a few drinks) I asked Mom if she would stay in TV if Dad passed first or would she want to move back to Maine to be closer me and my sister. She said she would STAY in TV, said she enjoyed the place and enjoyed the neighbors, knew her way around, etc…

The questions we have are:
1. What are your plans if your spouse passes first? Stay or leave? Go to an assisted living facility? Do you have monies for such a move?
2. Do you have a list of assets? Bank accounts, where they’re located, any outstanding loans?
3. Do you have a will? Do Not Resuscitate orders written down anywhere?
4. Burial or cremation? Do you have a cemetery plot purchased or have a place in mind?
5. Do you have a list of all utility providers? Cell phone bill, electric/water/gas bills, home/auto insurance company, Netflix, Cable service….access to these accounts so they can be terminated.

These are the questions I would love to ask my folks, but can’t. Seniors of TV, how would you respond to your children asking these questions? Be honest.

Excellent questions, and it is sad that so often frank honest concern and considerations get mistaken for gold digging. I guess, sometimes it is, but that doesn't make it less sad.

[MartinSE]

Originally Posted by Whitley

I think we will live longer in Florida. I had planned on being retired by now. Had the IRA's, A large life policy that paid monthly living expenses. Cancer threw a wrench in that. I was diagnosed with stage 3 canc.. . When traditional methods/treatments did not get it, I went with untraditional methods. Insurance stopped paying at that point. Best made plans... . Although I may not have off 7 days a week, I will be in Florida. Having an income is nice too. May we learn from our parents mistakes, and our children learn from ours. All the best to you.

So true, and good luck with your treatment options. I wish you well.

What prompted me to start this thread was I recently my annual abdominal CT scan to check on the status of an AAA repair (Abdominal Aorta aneurysm). While reading the Scan, the technical noticed a nodule on my right lung lobe that wasn't there last years, so my PCP ordered a full chest CT for tomorrow.

We don't know what it is yet, so I am just treading water. But, with 45 years worth of dues paid into the I have cancer club (two packs of Pall Mall non filters a day), I think it is about time I was accepted.

My wife and I have been discussing possible paths forward, and I am not interested in any treatment that does not have a good probability of recovering my current quality of life. So, if it is Cancer, and if it is going to reek havoc on my life, I would rather just start palliative care... that is my preferences, and only apply to me, I respect you for fighting back and wish you all the world of luck and good fortune.

[Happydaz]

Originally Posted by Whitley

What is the best exercise to keep the joints moving. I have some missing parts (lung lobe and others) and want to be sure I will be independent when I am 90. Yoga? Bike Riding?

Your doctor is the best source for that information. I had cardiac surgery and my cardiologist said biking was excellent as long as I didn’t race. (I told him I only race when somebody passes me!) Gardening can be good too, but again you should tell your doctor you want to exercise and ask your doctor what is recommended. You could also bring a list of the activities you want to try out and see if those are OK for you to do.

[MartinSE]

Originally Posted by Happydaz

Your doctor is the best source for that information. I had cardiac surgery and my cardiologist said biking was excellent as long as I didn’t race. (I told him I only race when somebody passes me!) Gardening can be good too, but again you should tell your doctor you want to exercise and ask your doctor what is recommended. You could also bring a list of the activities you want to try out and see if those are OK for you to do.

Totally correct, at our age the only person to get advice from concerning health issues is your doctor. If you don't trust or feel comfortable asking your doctor, you need a new doctor.