[MartinSE]

Originally Posted by Ginmato

I’m trying to decide. There is a lot of cancer in my family. For years, doctors have been asking me about genetic testing. We all know we have a strong chance of getting cancer in my family. It’s starting to hit my generation now. A first cousin has bladder cancer. Most of us are vigilant and have started early screenings for various cancers. I don’t understand what genetic testing will do. I had blood drawn for tumor markers. They all came back negative. I do have CLL and see my oncologist every 6 months. I have a colonoscopy ever 3 years. I guess genetic testing would tell me definitively that I have the genes for certain cancers. What would I then do any differently? Maybe my doctors would treat me more aggressively when something comes up rather than with a wait and see attitude? They tell me my kids would benefit. If my blood tumor markers are negative ( which they were) and my gene tests are negative, it ends with me. My kids don’t have to worry and get tested beyond normal screenings that everyone should have at certain ages. Comments? Opinions? I’d appreciate them.

I certainly can't speak for you, but if you want opinions, I am the type that believes it is always better to know more than less. Any testing at this point that my doctor wants I get done.

And yes, from what I understand a family history of cancer is definitely something that you want to pay attention to.

Good luck.

[Electric Slide]

Sometimes I think our children listen but don’t really want to hear. Neither my husband or I smoke so thankfully that never has been an issue. I myself tried it when I was younger and never liked it. My husband had a high cholesterol 12 years ago and the doctor wanted to put him on Statins. He came home researched several things and in the morning decided he wanted to try being a vegan. So far so good and I know its not for everyone one but it worked great for us and many other positives came out of that as well.

[Dgodin]

I learned by watching my father age. He spent the last 10 years of his life tethered to an oxygen line. He also smoked unfiltered Pall Malls.
So I retired at 61 and moved here where it will be easy to age with a one story house and golf cart access to nearly everything.

[macawlaw]

May I share some observations as the child who had to make the decisions for her parents?

First, please share everything with your children. My parents didn’t want to worry us and didn’t tell my brother and me that dad had colon cancer and was having surgery. My aunt called the day before and mentioned it. My Mom was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and shouldn’t stay alone. At that short of notice figuring out how to support dad and keep mom safe while having a family and a job two hours away was crazy and unfair.

Second, as an attorney, I made sure that my parents had their finances taken care of. Mom hid some assets in her name, and we had to open a probate estate because of it. Part of this planning is to give someone a Durable Power of Attorney. This allowed me to take over my parents finances when the time came without going to court. I cannot stress how much easier and what a difference this made.

Third, a living will is not sufficient. You also need a durable healthcare power of attorney. My parents had both, and we needed the second for my dad. Since I held this power, we avoided putting my dad on the machines when they would not have helped him recover, just keep going.

And, finally, tell your children what you want. My parents had a conversation with me, and my mom clipped an Ann Landers column, underlining in red ink what she felt strongly about. This gave me the freedom and the peace of mind to do as they wished.

If you can’t talk about it, write about it. Don’t make your kids make end- of-life decisions without your input. It was hard enough to do knowing what my parents wanted. It would have been excruciating if we had not talked.

[MartinSE]

Originally Posted by macawlaw

Third, a living will is not sufficient. You also need a durable healthcare power of attorney. My parents had both, and we needed the second for my dad. Since I held this power, we avoided putting my dad on the machines when they would not have helped him recover, just keep going.

And, finally, tell your children what you want. My parents had a conversation with me, and my mom clipped an Ann Landers column, underlining in red ink what she felt strongly about. This gave me the freedom and the peace of mind to do as they wished.

If you can’t talk about it, write about it. Don’t make your kids make end- of-life decisions without your input. It was hard enough to do knowing what my parents wanted. It would have been excruciating if we had not talked.

All excellent advice, We too have living wills, durable power of attorney and designated health care. Different places have different rules.

It would be nice if there was a national standard available. But there is not, so we have separate for Florida and California.

[Heytubes]

I agree that most VA doctors really do care. Every engagement at the VA from the nurses to the specialist has always had our back. The Mission program started in 2018 even made the VA better as I’ve experienced first hand the great care. My doctor really does care as she spends ample time explaining any questions I may have and makes sure I understand.

[MartinSE]

Originally Posted by Heytubes

I agree that most VA doctors really do care. Every engagement at the VA from the nurses to the specialist has always had our back. The Mission program started in 2018 even made the VA better as I’ve experienced first hand the great care. My doctor really does care as she spends ample time explaining any questions I may have and makes sure I understand.

Totally agree. Another thing we have noticed, is how everyone is so helpful. Malcohm Randell in Gainesville is a big complex maze. If we are obviously looking around people just stop what they are doing as ask if they can help. We have had busy doctors reading a clip board walking quickly down the hall stop and ask if they can help us, then they don't just tell us directions, they escort us - no matter how far. I feel guilty interrupting them. It is amazing.

[WiscoGirl]

Originally Posted by MartinSE

I am very lucky. My PCP in the VA Healthcare spends time with me every appointment. She discusses everything going on in detail, she then spends time listening to me. It's almost like she cares. That was a joke, she really does care, and the VA makes sure she has the time to spend with each of us. Like I said, I am very lucky.

I feel like I'm the lucky one. You signed up for an amount up to, and including your life. No greater man is he than one who would lay down his life for his neighbor and his friends. Sincerely I thank you.

[MartinSE]

Originally Posted by WiscoGirl

I feel like I'm the lucky one. You signed up for an amount up to, and including your life. No greater man is he than one who would lay down his life for his neighbor and his friends. Sincerely I thank you.

Thank You

[Dlbonivich]

I think health is a great conversation. You should also talk about how you want end of life to play out. You should also share financial information and wishes. Not generalizations, real discussion. My step father just passed 89 my mom is 83. I have spent 4 months and still not sure I have covered everything. 3 weeks trying to gather information. Right now we all know what is what. Most lose some control over time. Everyone is different. You just can’t know how you will be. Some hide financial struggle from their children, I see this in my business all the time. Children are shocked what is or is not there in the end.

[rsibole]

Originally Posted by MartinSE

Now that I am in my 70's things are starting to wear out and some of those clubs I paid dues into all my life are starting to pay dividends (smoking 2 packs of non-filter Pall Mall's a day for 45 years - approximately $98,000 not counting interest) like the membership in the "I got cancer" club...

I have been pondering lately if it would have made any difference if my parents and grandparents had ever discussed how their health was and how it was impacting their quality of life. My family considered any discussion of health taboo, off limits - those dark little secrets not to be discussed.

Since I retired I have encouraged my children (7 kids - almost countless grand and great-grand kids) to ask questions and openly discuss health issues.

What is everyones opinion.

Do you openly discuss growing older with your kids - not preaching, just openly discussing it.

. . .

[haysus7]

Great advice. Thank you

[SusanStCatherine]

I'll never forget an interview I saw with a 106-year old woman. Oprah asked her to share the secret of her longevity. She said, "Oh don't ask me, I don't eat any fruits or vegetables and I smoke." She revealed she had living brothers of 104 and 102 years old. Bingo - genetics! So share your genetic history with your family. Soon medical treatment will rely more on individual differences.

[Djean1981]

Originally Posted by Happydaz

I had a slow start in the healthy living category. I smoked up until I was 31 and I stayed out too late on occasion. (Understatement) I did quit smoking among other bad habits in my early thirties and that did have an effect on my five sons. I didn’t preach but I told them the mistakes I had made and left it at that. I was always a very aggressive gardener and spent hours digging, cutting, etc.. all the time. That kept me in moderately good shape, but in my middle age I ballooned to 212 pounds and didn’t feel in any position to talk about good health habits. Finally in my 60’s I started to lose weight and tried to eat better.

The most dramatic change occurred nine years ago when I moved to The Villages. Right after moving here I bought a carbon fiber road bicycle and now bicycle well over 100 miles a week. My weight dropped to 160 pounds and I am in the best shape of my adult life. I still garden like crazy and lift hand weights. What have I seen? The neighbors who moved in at the same time used to chuckle when they saw me all dirty and sweaty from gardening and they would ask me why I do that to my self. So what has happened? They no longer laugh as now many of them are having health problems, etc and they no longer give me a hard time. This is the lesson I mention to my sons, I am shocked about the divergence I see among my friends and neighbors who are in their mid seventies. People who have drank too much, ate too much and didn’t exercise over these last years are really getting sick. Heart problems, circulation problems etc. One of my son’s father in law, the same age as me, drinks excessively and just quit smoking. At a graduation party for our granddaughter I noticed how sick he looked. His wife said he had COPD but looking at his swollen feet (he was wearing sandals) it appeared that he had other issues. He drank beer after beer. He mentioned to me that getting old was really bad. When I returned to The Villages I was so thankful that we have the opportunities here to have the best possible health. We can’t blame our problems on the weather or work pressures. That is what I try to instill in my sons that you can improve your health at any age.

Thanks for the inspiration!

[paulat585]

Originally Posted by MartinSE

Now that I am in my 70's things are starting to wear out and some of those clubs I paid dues into all my life are starting to pay dividends (smoking 2 packs of non-filter Pall Mall's a day for 45 years - approximately $98,000 not counting interest) like the membership in the "I got cancer" club...

I have been pondering lately if it would have made any difference if my parents and grandparents had ever discussed how their health was and how it was impacting their quality of life. My family considered any discussion of health taboo, off limits - those dark little secrets not to be discussed.

Since I retired I have encouraged my children (7 kids - almost countless grand and great-grand kids) to ask questions and openly discuss health issues.

What is everyones opinion.

Do you openly discuss growing older with your kids - not preaching, just openly discussing it.

Just did it in detail this week as part of a life-long discussion. I'm getting a trust drawn up, so discussed this and other end of life issues. My birthday was yesterday & that's what prompted it. I only have one child and was a single parent. He's not wanted to hear this stuff before, so this time progress was made. I'm happy and the discussion will continue.