[rhood]

Originally Posted by OldDave

DO NOT offer your opinon or observation on something that really doesn't matter to you, unless asked for it.

Wow, how many posts on TOTV fit here?

[graciegirl]

Originally Posted by rhood

Wow, how many posts on TOTV fit here?

Gulp. Well..now this week I have a lot of time on my hands because Sweetie had to go back to Ohio for business.


Somebody please help me.

[kittygilchrist]

Originally Posted by Lark7

I agree with Kitty about not being judgmental - except for the comment about the Ravens winning the Super Bowl.
[B]Go Forty Niners !

haha! that makes the game funner! I do love football!

[billethkid]

does this help:

Luke 6:37 ESV

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;

[Barefoot]

Originally Posted by OldDave

DO NOT offer your opinon or observation on something that really doesn't matter to you, unless asked for it.

Originally Posted by rhood

Wow, how many posts on TOTV fit here?

I think TOTV would be a boring and lonely place without the influx of ideas and opinions from all sources. Oh rats, is that judgemental?

[Uptown Girl]

To look at this a little differently....

I think that if a person's criteria (for friendship) has 'being non judgemental' as first on their list, I would tend to think there is a sensitivity there, a history (or a fear) of being judged themselves. It would tell me more about the person than he/she might know they are revealing. I'd be open to being proved wrong, but they would have to show me.

Any time a list starts with what one DOESN'T want, instead of what pleases them in others, tells me they most often focus on what they don't like. That's usually habitual, in my experience.

Earlier posters gave some very astute observations, and all are factors in that we are all navigating, and trying to FEEL GOOD. Every one of us.

Many of us get hung up on how to perpetuate our 'feeling good' when others won't cooperate the way we want them to, or embrace our 'program'.... and rather than focus on continuing to perpetuate our own feelings, we drop that inner connection, and focus on trying to fix the poor slob so he will think right, or write him off, hold a grudge or worse.

If feeling good, for example, means staying within a tried and true comfort zone, then any challenge to that is uncomfortable. That's where allowing (as was mentioned in an earlier post) is so valuable.... but we must have some measure of self esteem in place to allow others to be, do or have without the need to be inextricably involved.
Common sense judgements, of course are made by us everyday. That's what has helped to perpetuate our species!

[Cedwards38]

We all have our values, opinions, likes and dislikes, and doctrines by which we shape and live our own lives. The 10 Commandments are judgmental, but they are intended as a means for each person to self judge, not as a means to judge others. Having an opinion is fine. Allowing a difference of opinion to cause you to dislike others and treat others in a manner in which you would not want to be treated yourself is judgmental. As a Christian, we don't hate the athiest. As a Democrat/ or Republican, we don't hate the opposite. As a poor man, we don't hate the rich man. And these examples go on and on.

Are there exceptions? Maybe. For example, does the slave hate the master? Does the victim hate the rapist/murderer/robber? Does the cheated spouse hate the cheater? I guess judgmentalism comes in degrees.

I know that we are supposed to forgive those who offend, harm, or transgress against us. I also know that that forgiveness can sometimes take every ounce of emotional strength that we can muster, and I confess that I am not always successful. Nevertheless, I think that is important to do and I will (maybe read "we should") always try to do it.

[Suzi]

[QUOTE=lightworker888;617948]

A trainer I once had suggested that whenever someone offered an opinion or action that we couldn't understand or went contrary to our belief system, that the question we should ask ourselves was "what must be the presuppositions that the person's conclusions are based on" or "what must he believe in order to think or conclude that?" It is a very interesting exercise and one that often created openings in my own belief system.

The next question was "do I believe any of that or is it near anything that I do believe or how does it differ from my beliefs?"

So for me doing my best to be non-judgmental is an opportunity for me to expand my perceptions, which is always challenging if not fun. Good exercise for the brain.

I just love to challenge my beliefs....just like mind-expanding drugs in the 70's without the LSD. It IS an opportunity to re-examine what you hold to be truths and decide if they are still valid. So, for me to be non-judgemental is to be available to others opinions, beliefs, life experiences.

[lightworker888]

SuzieQ, When we first started looking at beliefs back in the '80's and '90's, it was amazing how many of the beliefs we held were based on unconscious adopted beliefs that we never questioned. I remember one process "The Option Method" developed by Barry Kaufman (author of Happiness is a Choice among others). One of the questions we had to ask ourselves, after discovering and wording the belief, was "Do I really or still believe that?" It was really fun to discover that we could let go of old beliefs that were no longer true for us or serving us and could reword or spell out what we really believed now. There are lots of ways to shift perception and expand consciousness. It just takes an interest and some time off the golf course, which is hard for me when I am in TV!! Still challenged balancing "doing" and "being".


LW888

[graciegirl]

Originally Posted by kittygilchrist

additionally, we all establish allegiances, to family, to country, to tribe.
football is a fine example: I like the Gators and hope the Ravens win the Superbowl.
If I were truly nonjudgemental, I would care as much for one as for the other.
but something about being human makes me want more for my family, my country, my tribe.

Is the term "transcending ego" Buddhist? Or perhaps something to do with Yoga? It isn't familiar to me.

[redwitch]

As a child, I literally lived all over the world. I quickly learned to accept others and their beliefs. That doesn't mean I didn't judge -- I'm human -- but I learned and accepted that "my way" wasn't necessarily the right way and most definitely was not the only way.

We all have our prejudices, basic beliefs. I cannot tolerate a bigot. I hate to see someone being cruel to a child or an animal. I don't understand someone not helping when they can. In these things, I am very judgmental.

Bad grammar and spelling drives me bonkers. Being a bad driver gets my juices flowing. Never seeing another side saddens me. However, I'm not going to humiliate someone for these type of behaviors. I'll mutter to myself and keep going my own way.

On TOTV, I've seen comments that have truly made me flinch. A few even by people that I consider friends. I'll never say anything to them publicly, but I will comment when I see them that I felt their comment was inappropriate. Some of the comments, I really don't understand and I truly don't want to. There are a few people here that I pray I never meet in real life because of their meanness and pettiness. So, even if I don't want to be, I'm judgmental. We all are. I think the best we can do is try to not let our judgments stop us from being decent people, from accepting that others will have different viewpoints and different values. A little kindness, acceptance and understanding goes a long way.

Oh, and go Niners!!!!!!

[lightworker888]

It seems to me that it would be useful to make a distinction between being judgmental and being observant but allowing. For me the word judgmental implies that I am judging another by my standards and that always gets me in trouble. We can all be observant and have opinions , but when we measure and criticize the action of others against our standards or beliefs, I feel that is judgmental and not conducive to forming good friendships. A healthy debate always livens conversation as long as people can agree to disagree, and that doesn't have to be judgmental. Like one poster said, it does take a certain degree of security about oneself to be able to take a stand in opposition, especially a loud well articulated opposition from someone whom we might view as an authority figure. Staying in a story and looking for a "club" often encourages a judgmental attitude as it forms an "us" vs "others" kind of outlook which makes allowing more difficult I think. Just my 2 cents.


LW888

[Villages PL]

Originally Posted by Barefoot

I think TOTV would be a boring and lonely place without the influx of ideas and opinions from all sources. Oh rats, is that judgemental?

Ha! Good observation. Let's express our ideas and opinions and then have the courage to defend them, if called for.

If a thread is discussing or debating something, I don't believe it's intolerant or judgemental to tell someone you think they are wrong. You then explain why you think your way or position is right or better. There's nothing wrong with that. It's not a command.

The problem comes in when someone joins a long thread-debate in progress and doesn't bother reading all the many previous posts. For example, they may read the first few posts and then skip to the last two. Then based on that they can easily get the wrong impression and make a judgement based on that impression. They don't get the true spirit of the debate.

[graciegirl]

Originally Posted by Villages PL

Ha! Good observation. Let's express our ideas and opinions and then have the courage to defend them, if called for.

If a thread is discussing or debating something, I don't believe it's intolerant or judgemental to tell someone you think they are wrong. You then explain why you think your way or position is right or better. There's nothing wrong with that. It's not a command.

The problem comes in when someone joins a long thread-debate in progress and doesn't bother reading all the many previous posts. For example, they may read the first few posts and then skip to the last two. Then based on that they can easily get the wrong impression and make a judgement based on that impression. They don't get the true spirit of the debate.

I agree.

[SALYBOW]

I try to keep the following adages in mind:

1.The God that created them is the same God that created me. I guess he/she wanted people to be different.

2. To each his own said the lady that kissed the cow.

3. There is more than one way to skin a rabbit.

4. They probably are judging me... so I'll rise above all that.

$ The more time I spend judging people the less time I have to have fun...