[skyguy79]

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance.

He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to caress her bare flesh. He expertly guided his hands through her tender, often hidden territory, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam.

She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big!.....it will never fit!"

Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again....

....because she loves shopping for shoes!

[amybelles]

Enjoying this thread full of laughs...

Got this in an email this morning -

"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those who have a love for
words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to
write with a broken pencil is pointless."

A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophillies is
held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning
submission is posted at the very end.

. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

. The batteries were given out free of charge.

. A dentist and a manicurist got married. They fought tooth and nail.

. A will is a dead giveaway.

. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

. When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.

. Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.

. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.

. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the wretched crop:

. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.

[skyguy79]

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. he was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing him.

He looked up from his work and sheepishly asked, "I'm sorry! Was I tickling you?"

She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was... 'Oh I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener'...."


One MORE.... This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile.....


Baby's First Doctor Visit

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast-fed", she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her, pressed her, kneaded her, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came!"

[Cisco Kid]

What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun?

I just love baskin’ robins.

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by Cisco Kid

What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun?

I just love baskin’ robins.

GRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!:BigApp lause:

[swimdawg]

He said: "Without your glasses, you're beautiful!"

She said: "Without my glasses, you're not half bad yourself."

😯

[skyguy79]

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? ...... and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT!!? Are you saying, I'm dead? I don't want to die ..... I'm too young." said Tom. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St. Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen. You can choose on your own"

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life.

Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen." Tom replied. In the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow ........ then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said. "How does it feel?"

"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before?? Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."

Tom clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: "Tom, for Pete's sake!!! Wake up ... you're ' crappin ' all over the bed!"

[Didiwinbob]

Skyguy79 that was a keeper!!

[anarick]

Q: What's the difference between a proctologist and a bartender?
A: The proctologist only handles one a**hole at a time.

[anarick]

A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asks. The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.” So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me.” and she processes his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability,

[anarick]

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 75 years old, how do you honestly feel?'' ''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just peed myself.''

[swimdawg]

Tonite I was on the Village Airport Van on my way from the airport to my home in St. James. I had the same driver as last time.....and we were talking about the guy who was telling all the jokes in the van (That's YOU, Mark-O!). I told him about our FUN thread, "Joke of the Day".

You all are doing great.........and sure giving me and others a much-needed laugh. Thanks to all who have made this thread a laughing success!

So where are you, Mark-O???? I never would have thought of starting this thread had it not been for you telling one joke after another in the van!

[Cisco Kid]

Why are frogs so happy?

Because they eat everything that bugs them.

[skyguy79]

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship.

One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm.

He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on!

The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my brown pants!!!'

[Cisco Kid]

What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?



HE GOT A LITTLE BEHIND IN HIS WORK