[CFrance]

Originally Posted by Cisco Kid

What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?



HE GOT A LITTLE BEHIND IN HIS WORK

Ew.

[Cisco Kid]

Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?


Because it's a little meteor.

[skyguy79]

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local paper were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time.

A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again.

As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don't open the store!"

[69Ludwigs]

A guy was being repeatedly harassed by a bill collector calling several times every day. Finally he said "Listen here you jerk, every month I put all the bills in a fishbowl, draw out 3 and pay them. If you bother me one more time I won't even put yours in the bowl." (Rimshot)

[swimdawg]

An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally, proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day.
He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond.
The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass, on learning it wasn't real, returned it to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
"It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day", he smiled.
"I gave you a SHAM rock!
🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Irish!
Irish who?
Irish you a HAPPY ST. PATRICK's DAY!!!
🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

[swimdawg]

A woman who gave birth to twins had to give up both for adoption. One was adopted by an Egyptian couple who named him Amal, and the other went to a family in Spain and was named Juan. Many years later, the woman got a letter and a photo in the mail from Juan. She said to her husband, "This is lovely. I just wish I had a picture of Amal, too"
Her husband replied, "But honey, they're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

[swimdawg]

What does the Easter Bunny get for making a basket?

Two points, just like every other player!

-----------
Happy Easter to all!

[Matzy]

I like this JOKE:
A wife asks her husband, "could you please go shopping of me and buy one carton milk and, if they have avocados, get six."
A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk. "Why did you buy six cartons of milk?" his wife asks. He replies, "They had avocados."

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by Matzy

I like this JOKE:
A wife asks her husband, "could you please go shopping of me and buy one carton milk and, if they have avocados, get six."
A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk. "Why did you buy six cartons of milk?" his wife asks. He replies, "They had avocados."

Love it. I once sent my husband to the store for Bounty Select-a-Size paper towels (the kind that you can tear just half a towel if you don't need a whole one). However, what I wrote on the list was Bounty--Select a size. He brought home a huge roll of Bounty with no perforations in the middle. I asked why. he said, "You told me to select a size, so I did!"

[swimdawg]

Originally Posted by Matzy

I like this JOKE:
A wife asks her husband, "could you please go shopping of me and buy one carton milk and, if they have avocados, get six."
A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk. "Why did you buy six cartons of milk?" his wife asks. He replies, "They had avocados."

That IS funny. And it might be a true story. I have some friends.....well.....let's just say that I can picture this happening!

[skyguy79]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, "Hello." He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, "Do you know me?" to which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."


Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, "Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your girl friend whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

[dewilson58]

Originally Posted by skyguy79

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, "Hello." He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, "Do you know me?" to which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."


Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, "Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your girl friend whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

Ouch!!

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by skyguy79

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, "Hello." He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, "Do you know me?" to which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."


Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, "Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your girl friend whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

I love it!

[swimdawg]

Originally Posted by skyguy79

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, "Hello." He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, "Do you know me?" to which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."


Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, "Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your girl friend whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

Many many of my friends are retired teachers. I can't wait to share this one. Thanks, skyguy!

[skyguy79]

An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The diplomat was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty handed. "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the diplomat.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "But a man is sitting on the well!"