[CFrance]

Thanks for posting this, mommieswamie. It sounds like you made a hard decision, but it has turned out well. How lucky you are to have so many caring people around you. Blessings on you and your family.

[eweissenbach]

There is no script for our lives, we write it as we go. There is no one perfect path to happiness. Whatever path we chose we must make a happy path. I have lived in many places and found much to love about each one. Contentment is not a location, it comes from within us.

[Jejuca]

I am so glad for you! You made the right decision. While it is true we are still healthy and do not feel as we are a burden to our children right now, we know that when the time comes we will live closer to one of our two sons.
Our sons not only expect it but encourage it.
Both my husband's parents and my mother needed to be close to us as they aged just so we could keep an eye on them. It wasn't a burden at all. In actuality it was a relief because we didn't have to worry about them so much.
Enjoy your grandchildren - both of my boys reminisce about what fun they had with their grandparents including some embarrassing times when they were teenagers - all done with love and affection.
You are a very lucky mother and grandma to be loved by many!

[ssmith]

Mommieswamie, thanks for the update. You were brought to my mind several times and I wondered if you had found the right decision for you. So glad you have peace with your decisions. BTW if the nay sayers come on here....just ignore them....beleive me, they will do what is right for them and we must all figure that our for ourselves.

[Happinow]

I am so happy that you have found not only what works superficially, but what works for your heart. Moving away from family is a life changing event and for some it may not always be the right choice. You seem to have found a nice balance in your life. Enjoy your children, grandchildren, and extended family and rest knowing you have made the right choice for you and your husband. Best of luck to you all.

[patfla06]

Thank you so much for an update.
I had wondered about you and your DH.
I am so glad you came to a happy resolution and are now close
to family.
I wish you all the best!

[redwitch]

It sounds like you're at peace and a good decision was ultimately made. May your days be blessed with comfort and smiles. I'm so glad to hear things are working for you.

[ajdeck]

Originally Posted by mommieswamie

How do you know when it is time to give up and move closer to your children. What are the signs? How and when do you make such a decision? I am sure that those of us who really want to leave this beautiful place are few and far between, but sometimes it becomes a necessity. So how do you know and what if you know it is time and you don't want to make the decision. You don't want to leave? Then what do you do?

Just food for thought. I had cancer twice, during which time I was about
to give up everything. I'm here and now have had couple additional years
of great living with very close friends.

The weather has helped tremendously in being better and staying that way.

Now I do understand how down we all can get. But have found out
it's better to stay put until the last person has no choice. Remember,
our kids love us but do have their lives and are busy with work and all.

In reality they don't have much time for us older people even though
they might like to have the time.

Look at weather up north and ask if you would be better off not being able
to get to doctor or hospital without worry of car accident or slipping and
falling and making things even worse for you and your kids.

Main thing is 'Trust in God'.

Good Luck,
Art

[sunny46]

Just feel blessed that you have an option to be near kids that want you. None of our kids want us near them. I do worry about what we will do when that time comes for us. I pray you decide and have peace with your decision.

[BS Beef]

The one thing that really jumped out to me from your update was your statement "the best decision for us". Amen and hallelujah!!! That's all that should matter to you and to any one here.

Thank you for sharing.

[OldManTime]

Originally Posted by mommieswamie

How do you know when it is time to give up and move closer to your children. What are the signs? How and when do you make such a decision? I am sure that those of us who really want to leave this beautiful place are few and far between, but sometimes it becomes a necessity. So how do you know and what if you know it is time and you don't want to make the decision. You don't want to leave? Then what do you do?

Never!

[niftynanna]

I feel for you in having to make a decision to move back home. You didn't mention how long you have been here, if you have enjoyed your life together being able to be active an make friends, you can think of that as living your dream and being able to enjoy how ever long it's been. Maybe if you try to look at it as another phase that you both enjoyed but now it's time to start a new one. You are very fortunate to have loving children who want to spend time with you and relieve you of some of the things that have become difficult. It's not defeat because nothing lasts forever but you did have enjoyment and will always have memories of your life here. Maybe you will find that being closer to children will free you up some to reunite with old friends or start new things as you did here when you first came. All changes are scary but sometimes we project the what ifs and they never happen.

If you're set on not wanting to go back home, did you consider assisted living where you will have help, as much or as little and can continue to have an active lifestyle. Sorry this is so long, but we're having the opposite decision, to move away from kids. We have decided to move sell our house home, and not worry about having to make any future decisions.
Good luck to you and I hope you feel you can make the right decision which is best for everyone concerned.

[mommieswamie]

Originally Posted by redwitch

It sounds like you're at peace and a good decision was ultimately made. May your days be blessed with comfort and smiles. I'm so glad to hear things are working for you.

Thank you, Redwitch, we are at peace - finally

[mommieswamie]

Originally Posted by ajdeck

Just food for thought. I had cancer twice, during which time I was about
to give up everything. I'm here and now have had couple additional years
of great living with very close friends.

The weather has helped tremendously in being better and staying that way.

Now I do understand how down we all can get. But have found out
it's better to stay put until the last person has no choice. Remember,
our kids love us but do have their lives and are busy with work and all.

In reality they don't have much time for us older people even though
they might like to have the time.

Look at weather up north and ask if you would be better off not being able
to get to doctor or hospital without worry of car accident or slipping and
falling and making things even worse for you and your kids.

Main thing is 'Trust in God'.

Good Luck,
Art

Art - thank you for your caring and wise words.

A bit of explanation. I started this thread 1 ½ years ago during a lonely, sleepless, tearful night when my husband was still at home with caregivers a few hours a day but only "me" the rest of the time. My common sense told me that we needed to be closer to our children as I was reaching a caregiver breaking point and our children wanted us closer. My emotional self said "no - I don''t want to leave. I love it here."

We did leave to be closer to our youngest child, with me crying in the back seat the entire drive to the other state. We stayed one month before returning to TV where my husband went directly into a facility to be cared for. Eight months later, my emotional sense and my common sense met and we moved again to SC, all with the help and support of our children. My husband went from one facility to another. I live an independent life in a small house very close to my husband and our daughter and her growing family. That was 5 months ago. We are very very blessed that our children wanted us closer as I know that is not always the case. By continuing to be the primary and only caregiver, which was a very hard job, I was denying my husband, children and grandchildren of the benefits of a stable and happy wife, mother and grandmother. For our family, this is what we needed to do.

Again, I do thank you for taking the time to show that you care.

[Barefoot]

Originally Posted by mommieswamie

Art - thank you for your caring and wise words.

A bit of explanation. I started this thread 1 ½ years ago during a lonely, sleepless, tearful night when my husband was still at home with caregivers a few hours a day but only "me" the rest of the time. My common sense told me that we needed to be closer to our children as I was reaching a caregiver breaking point and our children wanted us closer. My emotional self said "no - I don''t want to leave. I love it here."

We did leave to be closer to our youngest child, with me crying in the back seat the entire drive to the other state. We stayed one month before returning to TV where my husband went directly into a facility to be cared for. Eight months later, my emotional sense and my common sense met and we moved again to SC, all with the help and support of our children. My husband went from one facility to another. I live an independent life in a small house very close to my husband and our daughter and her growing family. That was 5 months ago. We are very very blessed that our children wanted us closer as I know that is not always the case. By continuing to be the primary and only caregiver, which was a very hard job, I was denying my husband, children and grandchildren of the benefits of a stable and happy wife, mother and grandmother. For our family, this is what we needed to do.

Again, I do thank you for taking the time to show that you care.

How nice of you to take the time to keep us updated.

Everyone's path in life is different and unique. There is no "right" answer in life. You've found what works for you. Blessings and good luck to you.